How to Get Guys at Bars to Talk to You (Other Than Being Super Hot)

Posted in Dumb Ideas Girls Have on January 11th, 2010 by bl1y

Once again, a perfectly fine day spent trawling the internets for dumb girls saying silly things, but this time I actually found a girl offering some reasonable tips on what girls can do to improve their chances at meeting guys. Head over to The Quest for Romance (awful, awful name) to read the full article, then read below for my analysis.

“So let’s face it: it’s all about making yourself look available. But in a good way. A fun, easy-going, approachable way, so that by the end of the night you come home with a number.”

Close. It also helps if you’re willing to actually approach a guy and initiate conversation. The passive approach means if we don’t notice you you’re shit out of luck. Also, it’s okay to come home with three or four numbers, we do it. You never know who will call, who will answer, and who will simply flake. More numbers mean more chances.

2. Big jewelery works.

Ok, so I have no scientific evidence for this either. Other than personal experience, where I’ve been chatted up by guys because of some loud piece of jewelry I was wearing.”

Again close, but a little off the mark. It’s not jewelry in particular that helps, but rather wearing one interesting item. Even guys who are great at talking to girls can have trouble with the initial ice breaking. An interesting object gives a guy who wants to talk to you an easy way to start up a conversation. (Guys, you can use the same thing to make it easier for shy girls to talk to you.)

“3. Smaller groups improve your chances of meeting guys.”

Definitely do not agree. It’s more about the disposition of your group that the size. If your group is arranged in one big circle and everyone is talking to everyone else, then you can encounter problems. Though, I’ve barged into the middle of a circle to ask a girl who was on the other side for her number. And I got it. With all her friends watching.

…Anyways, if your group is the type that tends to splinter off into sub-groups, a large group is fine. I know I’d prefer a large group of girls simply because it increases the chances I’ll find someone friendly who will help me meet the other people, and a better shot at finding someone I connect with.

The thing you absolutely want to avoid, as Melissa touches on, is a group of two. In a group of two a guy can’t talk to you without your friend feeling shut out. Even if you try to include her in the conversation, she won’t want to stand there and watch you get hit on, and there’s a good chance she’ll get bored and cockblock.

5. Don’t get too drunk.

Another “duh” tip… but no guy is going to want to have to take care of the sloppy girl.”

Actually, there are plenty of guys who are more than willing to take care of the sloppy girl. But, while getting trashed may make it easier to meet guys, it’ll just be the wrong type of guy.

6. Give him the eye then look away quickly.

Actually, what you want to do is make eye contact, hold it for about two seconds, smile, then look away. If you look away too quickly he’ll interpret it as either inadvertant eye contact, or disgust at the thought of him looking at you.

For the ladies over there at Quest for a Better Blog Name, here’s a bonus tip that should help you out:

Make sure that exchanging numbers is not the end of your interaction. Most people only think to get a number when they’re about to part ways, but often this feels like a formality and it’s hard to tell how truly interested a person is. It’s often easier to just give you number but ignore his calls than to tell him you’re not interested to his face. If you’re really interested, keep talking to him for a good 5-15 minutes after exchanging numbers. He’s more likely to call you if he thinks you’re going to answer.

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13 Sex Tips That Will Drive Him Away!

Posted in Dumb Ideas Girls Have on January 11th, 2010 by bl1y

Cosmopolitan is known for having recurring articles with a laundry list of new things to do in bed, and those lists are known for having a lot of obvious stuff in them, like “Take as much of his package as you can in your mouth, and suck firmly–he’ll absolutely love the pressure,” (#26 this month), or things that are just plain weird “Hold some sparkling water in your mouth while giving him oral. The bubbles plus warmth will make him quiver” (#57).

But, mixed in with these are often some really bad bits of advice almost certain to lead to terrible sex. So, here’s the worst advice out of February Cosmo’s 99 Hot New Sex Tips:

#1 Drop by his place unexpectedly wearing knee-high boots, a trench…and nothing else.

Odds are the trip over will be pretty uncomfortable wearing just a trench, especially if it’s at all cold or the ride is more than 5 minutes. Heaven forbid you get pulled over by a cop or have car trouble. And don’t drop by entirely unexpectedly. He may have friends or family visiting or just not be home. Make the way you arrive unexpected, not the arrival itself. You don’t want to show up like that only to find him with another woman.

The better way to dress for this, to minimize your discomfort, is to add some sexy underwear. Garters are always a good choice. Remember, you don’t want to lose the mood with an awkward, uncomfortable ride.

#2 En route to meet him, text your guy dirty stuff you want him to do to you once you’re there.

While I love a dirty text, don’t text and drive. The best way to turn your guy on is to show up alive and unharmed, not to turn him on and then make him meet you at the hospital.

#18 Pucker your lips, and make him fight to get his tongue in while he’s kissing you.

Do you really want your guy to discover that he’s turned on by the idea of forcible sex?

#20 Using a silky tie, gently bind his hands behind his back. Then torture him with a slow striptease.

Ties from Thomas Pink cost around $150. That’s high end, but odds are if you picked a tie made from a nice material, he doesn’t want to get it dry cleaned to get out the lube or cum stains that end up on it. And he definitely doesn’t want to accidentally rip or stretch it. If you want to act out one of your fantasies, use your own silky scarf, not our silky tie.

#24 Stay silent until you’re about to orgasm…then let yourself go. your animalistic noises will drive him wild.

Ladies, your sounds are half of the way we know we’re getting you off (the other half is what got other girls off). If you stay silent, not only are you less likely to have an orgasm, we’ll probably get very weirded out, especially if you’re normally quite vocal.

#25 Make him “stir” by swiveling his hips in a circle. He’ll hit every part of you.

This is probably taken from the weird moves in soft core porn. (Soft core porn is where the sex is simulated; there’s no actual penetration.) If he’s inside you and you try to move him like this, you will hurt his penis. We don’t like our penises bent, sprained, or broken. It makes for bad sex.

#48 Sway your hips from side to side during doggie-style instead of back and forth in order to hit new nerves.

Same problem, our dicks don’t move that way. You’re going to hurt us, and not in a good way.

#50 Place one hand at the base of his shaft, and twist the tip with the other–like you’re opening a jar.

Penises don’t twist. Don’t try to twist it. It will not open, it will break. If you think a penis works like a jar, maybe this is why you’re always need a man to handle opening jars for you.

#54 During missionary sex, place your feet on his chest with your legs crossed to create an extrasnug grip.

…Whaaaat? I’m no Sting, but I’ve gone through all the basic positions and almost all the semi-pro stuff, and I just don’t understand how this can possibly work.

#55 Lightly wrap a cheap beaded necklace around his package, and then move it back and forth.

The problem here is “cheap.” Cheap beaded necklaces often have little seams on the beads and minor imperfections. These little flaws, combined with a little back and forth can easily result in serious chaffing, or worse, bleeding. I like the idea, but chances this will go wrong are just too high.

#62 Have sex in an empty bathtub. The confined space keeps you close and forces you to get creative.

Bare skin against dry platsic or porcelain? Sounds like a good way to get tub-burn. Just draw a bath, add some bubbles and enjoy the same creativity-forcing confined space. And be careful of the faucet. Some cheaper models can be sharp on the underside.

#71 Set your cell-phone alarm for 3 am., and wake him up for a quickie.

Don’t expect us to be able to perform when we’re tired, disoriented, and pissed off that you set your alarm for 3 am. Instead, set your alarm for 45 minutes before you’d normally get up so you have plenty of time to get it on before work.

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New Dating Rule for Women: Be Smarter

Posted in Dumb Ideas Girls Have on January 9th, 2010 by bl1y

Another morning of trawling the internet has found yet another silly girl with dumb ideas about dating, this time a 20-something writer living in LA, blogging about her non-relationship with an aspiring director (read: bus boy) who kissed her one time.

Here’s the pertinent information:

“I discovered he had a longtime girlfriend back on the east coast. Then when that ended, he had a new girlfriend here in LA … all while I was patiently waiting for him to come around and declare his love for me.

“My friends told me he was a jerk, he was using me, that I deserved better.

“I confronted the fact that I didn’t know a heck of a lot about guys and the signs that a guy doesn’t want a relationship (with you). I read a few books and decided to forego men for awhile. If a truly worthy guy comes along, he will have to pursue me now. I’m over making the most effort, for settling for way less than I deserve.”

This is a classic example of a girl ignoring extremely obvious signs that a guy isn’t right for you. In this case, there were two:

1. He’s in a relationship with someone else. Okay, sometimes a guy is in the process of ending a bad relationship, and you can push this one a little bit, but come on…the guy breaks up with his girlfriend and then gets in a relationship with someone else who isn’t you. You’re clearly not near the top of his list. It’s time to move on.

2. All your friends think he’s an asshole. If none of your friends like him, it’s a good sign that you’ve put blinders on to some very obvious problems. Unless your friends are bitches, they’ll make an effort to like the guy you like, so the fact that they hate him is pretty damning. Some girls try to get around this clear problem with two stupid tactics. First, they’ll point out that all of his friends say nice things about him. No shit, they’re his friends, they’re not going to try to get you to dump him, they care about him, not you. Second, they’ll point out that one or more of their friends does like him. But, these friends are usually the girls who pick one asshole or douchebag after another. The fact that they like him should be a sign NOT to date him.

Our silly writer girl doesn’t stop at swooning over Mr. Doesn’t Give a Shit About You, she has a completely stupid response to the rejection. She turns to books and then to swearing off men. Both are bad moves.

There is nothing you needed to learn from a book. Everything you needed to know about this guy was obvious from the start, you just chose to ignore it. Get your head out of books and back into the real world. Pay attention and make smart decisions.

Swearing off men is also dumb. The problem here wasn’t men, it was that you acted foolishly. Swear off acting foolishly.

And this nonsense about making men come after you now? From the way you tell the story, you didn’t really pursue this guy. “Patiently waiting” is not the same as putting forth a sincere effort. All you did was wait around for him, but now you’re trying to use your failure to attract a guy by doing nothing as a way to make yourself feel better about continuing with the same passive, lazy strategy.

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Ladies, Don’t Pass On Bars

Posted in Dumb Ideas Girls Have on January 8th, 2010 by bl1y

Dear BL1Y,

I need some advice. I wanna meet a hot guy, like really hot not just average, who is not in the least gay or bi. Obviously not in law school. Don’t say go to a bar cause ppl in bars r not there to find a girlfriend. Where can I go? What can I do to attract a guy like that?

Yours,

Desperate Jersey 1L

Dear Deperate Jersey 1L,

First, my condolences on making such a god awful mistake in going to law school. What the fuck were you thinking? There’s not enough 1s and 0s on the internet to fully explain how incredibly dumb your life choices have been up to this point, so I’ll just move on to your question.

The best place to meet a hot guy who’s not gay is in a bar. Yes, guys don’t go to bars to get girlfriends. But, the truth is we don’t go anywhere to get girlfriends. It’s not that we don’t want one, it’s just that there’s no specific place we go to find one. The reason is pretty simple: girls look for relationships, guys look for people.

You’ve started all wrong by having the type of relationship you want as the basic criteria for a guy. What you should do is just look for people you find interesting, attractive, friendly and easy to get along with, and then go with whatever relationship forms naturally. Instead, you’re going around with a check list, hoping to squeeze some guy into a pre-sized box. That’s just a recipe for disaster.

Honestly though, the best place to meet guys is going to be at a bar. I know the stereotype, that guys who are out at bars are just looking to get laid, and there’s no nice, intelligent professional guys at bars. That’s not just stereotyping, but it’s awful, terribly inaccurate stereotyping.

I go to bars. A lot. I have a bachelors in English and Philosophy and a JD from a top law school. I read books for fun. I’m very easy to get along with and have never picked a fight. But, I also like alcohol, sports and socializing with complete strangers. Most of the time I go it’s just to hang out with friends or to watch a game with like-minded fans. I’m looking neither to get laid nor to find a girlfriend. I’m just looking to have fun and a get somewhere between pleasantly buzzed and seriously fucked up.

Now, like a lot of guys, I’ve gone to bars to meet girls. A lot. Even then, I’m not necessarily looking to get laid that night. I’ll go for it if it seems like a real possibility, but that’s not the sole objective. If there’s a girl I find really attractive (physically and personality), I’ll stop looking at other girls, even if I know I’m not going home with her that night. I just can’t multitask well enough to have my attention divided.

If you want to avoid the guys just looking for a quick hookup, it’s mostly about picking the right type of bar. You want something more neighborhoody than a big hot spot. If you have to fight your way to the bar, it’s probably not the right place. When you go into a bar do a quick estimate of the number of seats at the bar. You want a place where the number of customers is between 75% and 200% of that number. Decent traffic, but not packed.

Now, onto the second part of your question, what can you do to attract a really hot guy?

First, let’s stick with the bar where I’ve put you. Talk to everyone around you, even if they’re not who you’re looking for. The rule to remember is that you might not be attracted to him, but you don’t know if you’d be attracted to his friend who’s going to arrive in 15 minutes. It’s always better to make friends at the bar. If nothing else, you’ll get a couple free drinks. (This goes for guys too; always befriend the guys and the ugly girls, you have nothing to lose, and seriously, people will buy you drinks too.)

If you’re shy and not great at starting conversations with strangers, then chat up the bar tender if he’s not terribly busy. Start with asking if there’s any drink specials, what bottled beer they have, etc. Most bar tenders are friendly and you can quickly tell who just wants you to drink and shut up.

You must become friends with the bar tender! He’s the easiest source of free drinks, and can provide great recon for you. A lot of people are likely to be regulars, and he’ll know who’s single, who’s a creeper and all that sort of stuff. If you ask (and he’s slick enough to do it) he’ll even suggest to a guy you find attractive that he should go talk to you. The bar tender is like your dating swiss army knife.

The next thing you can do to attract Mr. Right is not disparriage guys who go to bars. Most guys go to bars and many of us get offended when girls try to claim that none of us are interesting in relationships.

Last, and certainly not least, is the hardest thing you can do to attract the right guy: Be more attractive. Sorry, but there’s no way around this. Go to the gym more often, cut back on carbs, calories, fat and sodium. If you think you’re fat, you need to lose 5-10 pounds. If you don’t think you’re fat, you need to lose 15-30 and stop being so delusional.

You need to be at least 1 point more attractive than the guy if your game is not 100% tight. If you think the guy is an 8, you need to be a 9. If you think you’re a 9, you’re really a 7.5. So, you need to become what you think of as a 10.5 to get an 8. This is a simple product of the fact that good looking girls are easier to find than good looking guys, and you’re all delusional about your own appearances.

After that, you need to work on being pleasant to be around. Don’t dismiss guys who talk to you just because you’re not immediately swept off your feet. Try being a genuinely nice person even to people who you think you won’t get anything from and are probably just wasting your time. Try not to say anything stupid. We don’t want to hear about your cat or how you believe in The Secret. Don’t be a bitch. Don’t ask us to buy you anything. Most guys will offer to buy you a drink anyways, but if you ask and the guy does it, he’s a pussy. A real man will just stare at you blankly for a moment and then pretend you didn’t say anything.

Hope this is helpful.

Sincerely,

BL1Y

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Let’s Just Chill and Examine Your Dumb Ideas

Posted in Dumb Ideas Girls Have on January 7th, 2010 by bl1y

Very little amuses me more than silly girls and their dumb ideas about dating. Go over to Single and Looking and read about her thoughts on Movie Night. She gives five, rather disjointed reasons for why inviting a girl to come over, chill, and watch a movie is a terrible date, so how about five reasons she’s just wrong about dating:

1. Movie night is not code for “let me try to hit that.” Movie night is code for “I was planning on staying in and watching a movie and it’d be somewhat more enjoyable if you came over and watched it with me.” Guys want to know if a girl will fit into his life without turning everything upside down. You don’t have to change yourself to fit into our world, we just want to make sure you’re not going to try to change our world to suit you. Inviting you to do things we were going to do anyways is the best way to do that. Also, it reminds you that our plans aren’t contingent on your participation.

1(a). All guys want to get into your pants, regardless of what you do on your date. If a guy’s not trying to sleep with you, he’s either a gutless coward, or getting plenty elsewhere. Or you’re uggo.

1(b). “No funny business,” does not mean “no funny business.” It means “Be cool and there’ll totally be some funny business.”

2. We want to know what type of person you’re like before we expose the world to you. We need to see what you’re like in a controlled environment before we risk taking you out into public where you might mistreat waiters, but rude to any friends we happen to run into, or just cause a scene for no good reason.

3. Getting to know a guy doesn’t give you any real assurance that you’re not going to be raped or murdered by him. Getting to know him just means you’re probably going to end up like a whole lot of other women and overlook obvious signs of creepiness or douchebaggery and forgive him when he mistreats you. Better to get a good gauge of his criminal tendencies before you’ve grown attached.

4. No dates are creative. Every date you ever go on has literally been done before.

4(a). We don’t want to do all the work on the date. Dates are a way for people to get to know each other and enjoy each other’s company. Only a fool sets up his date to be nothing more than an intensive test where he is on trial and the girl is judge, jury and executioner.

5. None of you is pure and innocent and we know it. Stop pretending. When you act all prim and proper at the start but then reveal a freaky side later, you’re just going to find yourself with a guy who wanted the prim and proper girl. That’s why he was dating her! He wasn’t dating you secretly hoping you’d be someone else. He was dating you hoping you were you.

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