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Yeah.  That’s right, a mother-truckin’ Jack and Coke Float.  Jack Daniel’s, Coca-Cola Classic (with caffeine and calories, bitches), and vanilla ice cream.

It really is that simple, though there are a few more things you need to know about this most awesome of all awesome drinks.

First, you have to get your whiskey very cold.  If the Jack is room temperature, your ice cream will melt too fast.  Likewise, make sure the Coke is cold, and not straight off the grocery store shelf.  You need the whiskey in the freezer and Coke in the fridge a day ahead of time.

So why didn’t I tell you to do this yesterday?  I wasn’t thinking about it is why.  You can shake the Jack with ice to get it cold.  Don’t shake the Coke.

Second thing, you can use pretty much any American whiskey for this, Tennessee or Kentucky Bourbon.  With the ice cream and Coke it won’t really make a difference, any sweet American whiskey will do.  I just call it Jack and Coke Float because I like the sound better than Whiskey and Coke Float.  Today I’m using Wild Turkey 101.

Third, do not put any freaking ice in this drink, you dumbass.  You’re going to be eating this with a spoon.  Yes, it’s not a drink, it’s a food, and you eat it with a spoon, not a straw.

Finally, make sure to use a lot of ice cream.  Take a tall glass, and fill it to the top with vanilla ice cream.  There will be enough space (assuming you didn’t pack the ice cream in) for 2-4oz of whiskey and another 2-4oz of Coke.

Enjoy.  Happy Memorial day.

For those of you stuck in the office today, or who are otherwise just bored and need a way to kill time, go play this exciting game:

Cheese or Font

Passendale is a cheese.  Absinette is a font.  That’s the entire concept of the game.

Once you’ve gotten good at it, you can really fuck with foodies by making up fake cheeses.  “Oh, yes this Selva (cheese) is lovely, I suppose, for when you’re unable to find a nice Absara (font).”

Every time there’s some major disaster, there’s usually a whacko religious figure claiming it’s God’s vengeance on us.  Katrina was sent to punish us for tolerating gays by destroying all of the New Orleans except the gay district.  9/11 was punishment for letting the ACLU stand up for the rights of God-haters, like atheists and lesbians.  Forest fires are sent because we ignore the Bible’s ban on book learnin’.

But, this time around I haven’t heard any of these crazy theories, so I’m putting up my own.  British Petroleum is the Angel of the LORD, punishing us for ignoring the Bible’s prohibition against eating shellfish.

And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you.

And while I’m at it, I’m going to blame the earthquake in Haiti on violation of this passage:

And the swine, though he divide the hoof, and be clovenfooted, yet he cheweth not the cud; he is unclean to you.  Of their flesh shall ye not eat, and their carcass shall ye not touch; they are unclean to you.

There are 20 Haitians playing in the NFL (pig skin), representing a full three quarters of all income collected by Haitians worldwide.

Twenty-seven percent of 164 in-house counsel who responded to a survey (PDF) indicated that reading blogs published by lawyers on relevant topics was one of their most important activities for researching outside counsel for a potential hire. (Hat tip ABA Journal)

Shit.   …Relevance.  I knew I was missing something here.

Well, in that spirit, here is a bit of relevant information for all the in-house counsel of the world:

When you see a male-female pair at a bar or club, there is only about a 1 in 4 chance that they are a couple or on a date.  That’s all.  25%.  When I heard this number years ago I was skeptical, but then I started keeping track.  A lot of times the guy is just a friend, a relative, an orbiter,* or a random guy at the bar who started hitting on her before you did.

So, stop assuming that just because a girl is talking to a guy she’s spoken for.  Odds are, she’s not.  And, if she’s with a guy who’s really cool, he’ll just say something and it’ll be no big deal.  I’ve actually had a boyfriend interrupt a conversation I was having with a girl, introduce himself, and then say that if his girlfriend likes talking to me I must be okay, so he’d introduce me to her single friends at the bar.

The guy will only try to pick a fight if he’s an insecure dillweed, in which case you just diffuse the situation with a joke (“woah! I don’t want to make you kick my ass!”), and come back later.  A girl dating an insecure loser like that will cheat for sures.

*Orbiter – A guy who hangs around a girl he is interested in, but who shows no reciprocal attraction.  He will “orbit” hoping for a golden opportunity or a drunken hookup.  He may be an obstacle, and really sexually frustrated ones will cock block, but the girl will never sleep with him.  Girls may occasionally use their orbiters for free meals, drinks, or rides to the airport.

Like the Space Shuttle Orbiter in 2011, social orbiters are irrelevant.

Jog over to Bitter Lawyer this morning and check out their 9 Summer Associate Don’ts.  They may seem like no-brainers, but sometimes this stuff just really needs to be said.

I’ve broken 1-5 and 7.  How about you?

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Howard Miller, President of the California State Bar just laid out an amazing bitch slap to the legal education industry. [Hat tip to commenter "es" for the link.]

At least 10,000 lawyers, probably more, including many, many mid-level associates with no place to go, have been officially laid off during this recession. Many more have job offers with deferred entry dates, or are counted as “employed” while voluntarily interning for nothing, or are in temporary lawyer jobs reviewing documents for $15-$20 an hour, with no security and jobs that can disappear at any moment.

[...] Out of necessity, and without any practical experience, many unemployed lawyers are or will be setting up their own solo, usually community-based, practices. Those practices can be enormously satisfying, and when done well are needed by clients. Given the current state of legal education and what the bar exam tests, however, it is far from clear those lawyers are qualified to do so, and will not just be a risk to themselves but to their potential clients.

Boom goes the dynamite!

Be sure to check out the entire article.  Really great stuff.  President Miller is one of the good guys.

Yeah, I guess I’m back to this shit again…

Also, my gift box has a higher capacity than yours.  Nah-nah-na-boo-boo, stick your head in doo-doo.

Oh my freaking God, best name ever.  And, he understands the importance of including hot blonde girls in commercials.  I will vote for this man.

One of the big issues for the far left is getting rid of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, and they are morons.

Before DADT, we had the 1994 National Defense Authorization Act which prohibited gays in the military.  DADT effectively overturned the ban by ordering officers to not ask, and soldiers to shut the mouths and keep it to themselves.  DADT actually paved the road to letting gays into the military, it doesn’t keep them out.

If you’re going to be politically vocal, learn what the hell you’re talking about.

I think ultimately the decision should be made by the generals.  I don’t buy the “unit cohesion” argument and think instead of telling gays to keep their sexuality to themselves you should order homophobes to keep their homophobia to themselves.  But, then I’m reminded of A Few Good Men:

Ever been in the infantry, son?

Ever served in a forward area?

Ever put your life in another man’s hands, and his in yours?

I don’t know the dynamics that go on in a combat unit, and I think the effectiveness of our military is so important that we should let military experts make the call instead of relying on social policy.  But at the very least, we should allow openly gay soldiers to serve in non-combat pencil-pushing desk jobs.  You know, the Air Force.

Rat-tah-tat tat-tah-tat tat-tah-tattoo

A debate is brewing in the Ninth Circuit over whether tattoos are protected as free speech. [Hat tip to Bitter Lawyer.]  Johnny Anderson tried to open a tattoo parlor in Henderson Beach, California, a city that bans such businesses.  Anderson is sued, claiming First Amendment freedom of speech violation, and lost at the lower court level.  He has appealed.

Anderson’s argument rests on the premise that art and symbolic speech have long been protected under the First Amendment.

Henderson Beach claims they have a legitimate right to create health and safety standards, and do no have the resources to adequately inspect tattoo parlors.

While I agree that tattoos should be protected as speech, the city does not have a ban on tattoos.  They have a ban on tattoo parlors.  This ban would be like the state regulating factories that use plastics, inks, and other chemicals that can be toxic or dangerous to the environment.  Bic can’t claim free speech infringement when the government regulates where they can create disposable pens.

Or can they?

Does the regulation of the means to produce speech count as a regulation of speech itself?  Is displaying the tattoo the entire act of “speaking,” or is the application of the tattoo also part of the speech?

Readers, what do you think?

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