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Uh…yeah, not really much going on.  More Kagan.  Probably something interesting on AboveTheLaw, but maybe not.  Just kind of a slow news day.

Alex has kicked off Hurricane Season, David Patraeus was confirmed by the Senate to take over the war in Afghanistan, and I’m just stealing headlines from The Drudge Report.

But, so your trip here is not completely wasted, here’s a super interesting video to watch that will probably help you understand why your legal job sucks to hard and why it offers little to no chance at any sort of happiness or meaningful existence.  Enjoy.

Big Law Causes Unhappiness
[ABA Journal]

Want to be happy? Don’t be work at a big law firm.

Have fun being happy and homeless though, and good luck with those loans.

Five Out of Three Pollsters are Frauds
[National Journal]

Daily Kos is suing Research 2000, claiming that the company gave them bogus data.  Daily Kos founder Markos Moulitsas is not happy.

I hereby renounce any post we’ve written based exclusively on Research 2000 polling.

Everyone cheats when it comes to statistics.  In high school we had a biology project where we had to identify how a trait in fruit flies (for me it was eye color) was inherited.  We were supposed to breed the flies, and then examine the ratios of traits to figure out what chromosome it was on, etc.  I just looked up the trait in Cliff’s AP Biology and faked my data.  At least I never got caught…idiots.

The Bicycle Bandit
[CNN]

Not a whole lot of details here, just a serial bank robber who uses a bike as his getaway vehicle.  It’s suspected that he uses the bike to get to a car that’s parked further away, but having a bike can also make it easier to elude police.  You’re faster than a cop on feet, and have a lot more flexibility than a police car (you can safely go on sidewalks, narrow alleys, etc).

Kagan Hearings Continue

And I still don’t care.

In lieu of posting some later afternoon news (because all anyone in the legal blogosphere is talking about is The Kagan, and I really don’t care unless she says something balls stupid), here’s a bar review hypothetical.  But first, some background:

According to my Kaplan Bar Review Flashcards:

The crime of false pretenses consists of (1) a false representation of (2) a present or past material fact by the defendant (3) that causes the victim to pass title to his property (4) to the defendant (5) who knows his representation to be false (6) and intends thereby to defraud the victim.

Example: A offered to sell B a watch for $50, claiming it is worth $100.  If A knows it is actually worth only $50 and accepts B’s payment of $50, A has committed false pretenses.

We will assume that Kaplan has the law correct (and this is the MBE, not state specific rules).  In the example it is important to note that A’s valuation was not mere puffery.  Stating an actual value is a material fact, whereas if A had only said “You’re getting a great deal at $50″ this would be puffery, and no false pretenses would have occurred.

Also, keep in mind that handing over money counts for passing title, even though it’s not what you normally think of with that phrase.

Discuss whether any of the following four scenarios gives rise to liability for false pretenses:

(1) Amy, a law school admissions officer tells admitted (but not yet enrolled) students about the value of a law degree.  Amy states that a law degree offers career stability, as lawyers are always in demand, and says a law degree is very flexible, opening doors in all fields from staring in Monty Python films to being President of the United States.

(2)(a) Baker School of Law represents to admitted students that 97% of its students are employed within 9 months of graduation.  10% of those students are employed at the law school after failing to find jobs elsewhere.  Another 10% are working as solo practitioners.  And, a final 10% of those students are at jobs they have only because the school is subsidizing their salaries.

(2)(b) Baker School of Law represents to admitted students that 97% of its students are employed within 9 months of graduation.  However, not all students respond to the school’s survey.  While 97% of respondents were employed, only half of the students responded.  Assume unemployed students are less likely to respond to the survey than employed students.

(3) Charles, the Director of Baker School of Law’s Legal Writing and Research Program writes an article published in the North Davey State University Journal of Legal Education, a journal typically read by other professors, rather than prospective law students, though available to the public at large.  The article claims that 1L students in the Baker Legal Writing and Research Program undergo a “painstaking” critique of each of their exercises.  The largest exercise of the year is an oral argument, after which the students receive some feedback from their mock judge (a volunteer not associated with the school), and no feedback from their professor (who was not even present for the argument).

I recently sent a request to the my law school’s career services department, which offers one-on-one counseling sessions for graduates:

Dear Graduate:

This is to confirm receipt of your message to the Office of Career Services. We are currently receiving a very heavy volume of email from alumni (much of it time-sensitive) and are replying to all requests for assistance in the order received and as soon as possible.  While we make every effort to respond in a prompt and thoughtful way to the many alumni who write to us each year, the office is extraordinarily busy and subject to many unexpected emergencies, thus, your patience when communicating with us is appreciated.

Hm…the alumni career services people are extremely busy?  No shit, wonder why.

Maybe they can give some out of work grads jobs finding jobs for other out of work grads.

Douchy Lawyer Dumped
[ABC Episode Guide]

I’d put a spoiler alert here, but it’s reality TV, so who cares?

Douchy lawyer Craig R. failed to secure a rose last night on The Bachelorette (shut up, my mom watches it).

If you can’t tell just by looking at him that he’s a giant douche, you should be able to figure it out by the fact that his favorite book is The Catcher in the Rye.  Great book? Sure.  But, picking it shows the lack of real intelligence needed to go from corporate douche cog to what I like to call “merry asshole.”  Douches are slick and manipulative, while assholes are intelligent and witty.

An asshole doesn’t pick such an obvious book.

Tucker Max is an asshole.  But, if your favorite book is I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, odds are you’re just a douchebag.

Mayer Brown and Simmons & Simmons Face LMR
[Legal Week]

Facing last minute resistance, the merger between Mayer Brown and Simmons & Simmons is off.  Both firms are down in revenue, and it’s not clear (based on my very limited research) who thought they’d be getting the bargain in this deal.  But, the real winners are probably the associates and staff.  Mergers often mean many positions are made redundant and a reduction in headcount soon follows.

K&L Gates Wants TV-Quality Lawyers
[The Careerist]

K&L Gates Chair Peter Kalis shared his thoughts on what type of associates he likes to see at the firm.

I like someone who’s iconoclastic–smart, sassy, and a bit edgy.

I don’t want malleable. I want formidable.

My guess is the people who do the actual recruiting at K&L Gates, and who directly supervise these associates are sticking with the traditional model of hiring risk-adverse research drones.  Some who’s smart, edgy, and formidable isn’t going to go into a job where they get to waste their weekends doing due diligence on a deal that’s likely to collapse Monday morning.

Things You Can Do With a Law Degree: FML
[New York Law Journal via Law.com]

A new article from Katherine Frink-Hamlett, president of Frink-Hamlett Legal Solutions Inc., has three possible alternative careers for recent JDs: Procurement, Compliance, and Law Firm Administration.

While these careers are frequently referred to as “alternatives,” the truth is that they simply represent the range of professional opportunities available to attorneys.

Unfortunately, the first two options, procurement and compliance, offer much of the same office drudgery bullshit as law, but with far worse pay than a big law job.  Also, the positions generally require some experience working in that position, and 3-5 years of work in the relevant industry.  If you went straight to law school from undergrad, scratch these off your list.

And, law firm administration? Yeah, it’s everyone’s dream to be the person who makes sure first year associates are up to date on their CLE credits.  How many people are going to be satisfied working as mere support staff to their preferred profession?  Want to be a doctor? Why not settle for being an insurance claims specialist!

Blame it on the Juice (Vendors)
[The Guardian]

Venezuela is facing a severe food crisis as the government continues to scoop up private farms and then mismanage them into the ground, and allow tens of thousands of pounds of food imports to rot in government warehouses.

Hugo Chavez blames people who sell meat at market prices for the country’s woes and is declaring war on capitalism.  In America (Proper) the evil capitalists are big bankers and oil tycoons.  In Venezuela (Lesser America) the evil capitalists are butchers and family farmers.  The penalty for selling good at market price in Venezuela is confiscation of your business and 6 years in prison.

So, why am I discussing this here?  Well, it’s a pretty retarded legal system that puts you in jail for selling meat at market price (which, by the way, is only about twice the artificially low government mandate), but more importantly, I’ve just encountered too many law students and lawyers who are ardent supporters of Chavez and communism.  I seriously know people who keep pictures of Chavez in their office.

[Honestly, I'm posting this early because I'm on my way out the house, and I'm not going to take the time to look into all the facts here, so I'm just making up what I think is the likely story.]

Christian Legal Society, Better at Christianity Than Law

[ABA Journal]

The Christian Legal Society came up empty handed in the Supreme Court.  They had sued the University of California Hastings College of Law, after the school refused to recognize the group because it only allows Christian members.

The Christian Legal Society claimed its First Amendment right to free assembly had been violated by the school’s refusal to recognize the group.  And, by “recognize,” I mean they wouldn’t get funding from the school.  They never claimed the school actually prohibited them from hanging out together.

The bigger story here though, ought to be that Hastings, ranked #42, produces law students who couldn’t figure this out on their own.

Deborahlee Lorenzana is back in the spotlight once again, delivering a tearful explanation of why she was fired from Citibank.  Or, rather, attempting to explain why she was fired:

I was a target to them.

I suppose she means she was targeted by them, but when you target someone, you have something in mind to do to them.  Lorenzana tries to link this targeting to a failure of Citibank to train her on the job.  But, you generally don’t hire people with the intent to stifle their careers and then fire them.  If her managers were really spending so much time leering at her “tits on a stick” appearance, you’d think she’s get more training to make sure she was able to stay at the company.

Over at AboveTheLaw, Elie Mystal pointed out that admitting she was not trained to do her job could ultimately hurt Lorenzana.  She has essentially handed Citibank a de jure reason for her termination, she didn’t know what she was doing.  She could then argue that discrimination played into the lack of training, but it makes the case a bit harder.

Oh, and Gloria Allred, Lorenzana’s new representation, is calling for a human rights investigation.

For real.

Not making that up.

Human. Rights. Investigation.

Grab Yer Guns!
[WSJ Law Blog]

In the McDonald v. Chicago case, the Court has extended the Second Amendment to the States.

What more is there to say?  Grab your gun, and bring in the cat.

Law Firms Wage War on Hospitality
[Time]

Back in the good ol’ days, the summers of ’06 and ’07, the hospitality industry could look forward to a boost every summer as law firms spent gobs of money on lavish cruises, dinners, and other outings, sometimes spending tens of thousands of dollars on a single event.

Now, most firms are spending anywhere between half and a third of their previous budgets.  The real fallout is that with less money being poured into expensive outings, there’s less chance for socially awkward summer associates to wine and dine girls out of their league on the firm’s dime. (Admit it, you know you’ve been at an event after party, bought shots for a girl you just met, and put it on the firm’s tab.)

This is Why You Work Weekends
[The American Lawyer via Law.com]

It’s not because there’s so much work to do, it’s because your boss has had no training in managing personnel, case loads, or client expectations.  Your boss is your boss because they either have seniority, or made it rain, not because of any sort of managerial talent.  And now, one professor is speaking out about it:

The most crucial challenges for our society and our profession involve issues of leadership; the need for leaders with vision, integrity and wisdom has never been greater. Yet our system of legal education does little to produce them.

But, it’s not just any professor blaming law schools for failing to produce graduates with leadership potential.  It’s Deborah Rhode, Director of the Stanford Center on the Legal Profession.  She joins a growing list of law professors speaking out about the poor quality of education at law schools.  Unfortunately, there’s not yet a list of professors who have taken active steps towards improving their school.  A little less conversation, a little more action, please.

Once You Go Black, They Drop the Charges?
[Washington Times]

Remember these assholes?

Seems like standing outside of a voting place, wearing a combat boots and the insignia of a militant organization while wielding some sort of night stick or billy club is a pretty open and shut case of voter intimidation.  J. Christian Adams, a former Justice Department attorney who worked on the case is now openly discussing the corruption that went into the dismissal of the charges:

Some of my co-workers argued that the law should not be used against black wrongdoers because of the long history of slavery and segregation. Less charitable individuals called it “payback time.” Incredibly, after the case was dismissed, instructions were given that no more cases against racial minorities like the Black Panther case would be brought by the Voting Section.

As I noted on Friday, NALP isn’t expecting much of an uptick in associate hiring until 2012.  The class of 2011 is still going to be in a pretty rough market.  Let’s do a little (don’t be scared, lawyer people) math.

Class of 2011 started law school in September 2008.  Okay, mathing done.

February 2007, Freddie Mac announced it would no longer buy the most risky mortgage backed securities.

April 2007, New Century Financial Corp files Chapter 11.

August 2007, American Home Mortgage files Chapter 11.

February 2008, Bush signs the Economic Stimulus Act.

July 2008, Federal Reserve increases the credit lines of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, and prohibits short selling of Fannie and Freddie.  Bush signs into law the Housing and Economic Recovery Act.

September: Lehman Brothers files Chapter 11.  Law schools congratulate their incoming students on choosing a stable, recession proof degree program.  They fail to clarify that the mean law schools are recession proof, not the legal market itself.

It’s about time, we finally have some solid good news on the job market for recent law schools grads.  From Jim Leipold, executive director of NALP:

The Class of 2012 will be the first class for which we might see some kind of uptick in employment.

Oh.  Damn.

I’m not making a prediction that it will recover in 2012; I’m saying it probably won’t recover much before then. [...] Last year, I would say that the associate market was dead and buried.  This year, they’re digging out of the grave. We are seeing firms looking to bring in associates on a very limited basis.

Very limited basis.  Sorry.