BP is the Angel of the LORD

Every time there’s some major disaster, there’s usually a whacko religious figure claiming it’s God’s vengeance on us.  Katrina was sent to punish us for tolerating gays by destroying all of the New Orleans except the gay district.  9/11 was punishment for letting the ACLU stand up for the rights of God-haters, like atheists and lesbians.  Forest fires are sent because we ignore the Bible’s ban on book learnin’.

But, this time around I haven’t heard any of these crazy theories, so I’m putting up my own.  British Petroleum is the Angel of the LORD, punishing us for ignoring the Bible’s prohibition against eating shellfish.

And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you.

And while I’m at it, I’m going to blame the earthquake in Haiti on violation of this passage:

And the swine, though he divide the hoof, and be clovenfooted, yet he cheweth not the cud; he is unclean to you.  Of their flesh shall ye not eat, and their carcass shall ye not touch; they are unclean to you.

There are 20 Haitians playing in the NFL (pig skin), representing a full three quarters of all income collected by Haitians worldwide.

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3 Responses to “BP is the Angel of the LORD”

  1. shadow_hand Says:

    Clearly this is the fault of Nancy Pelosi and her army of liberal San Francisco gays. Damn, if only that Family Research Council could get off their rent boys long enough to actually do their jobs we wouldn’t have all these problems!

  2. bl1y Says:

    Or maybe we are being punished for Arizona’s new anti-illegal immigration laws, which clearly violate Leviticus 19:33-34:

    When an alien lives with you in your land, do not mistreat him. The alien living with you must be treated as one of your native-born. Love him as yourself, for you were aliens in Egypt.

  3. es Says:

    The Greek debt crisis was caused by the general area’s love of figs:

    Mark 11:12-14 (King James Version)

    12And on the morrow, when they were come from Bethany, he was hungry:

    13And seeing a fig tree afar off having leaves, he came, if haply he might find any thing thereon: and when he came to it, he found nothing but leaves; for the time of figs was not yet.

    14And Jesus answered and said unto it, No man eat fruit of thee hereafter for ever. And his disciples heard it.

    Religion is a mental illness.

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