Can You Believe She Previously Complimented How Smooth I Was?

I recently posted a bit with More Than You Care to Know About, where I mentioned getting blown off by a girl who had read my blog.  We met at a bar, hung out one time after that, yadda yadda yadda, I never hear from her again.  Until this comment showed up:

ok, lets get this straight. I don’t give a rats ass about you t1 law degree. I stopped calling because you were pushy and self absorbed. We hung out and you told me that i wasn’t as hot as i thought i was. In addition, your shirt was too small, you live with your parents (on the wrong side of town) and your unemployed. Lastly, you told me a story about throwing up in bed with your girl friend, and having to think about if you should wake her up or not. Can we just be friends???

Now, I normally think it’s pretty lame to point out typos, especially online.  It’s the internet, after all.  The only thing more common online than typos is porn.  But, this one has reached a Mystalian level, so I really can’t respond without first addressing the incredibly poor writing skills exhibited here.  It’s rat’s ass, not rats ass; your t1 law degree, not you t1; let’s, not lets; i should be capitalized (three times), you’re unemployed not your unemployed, and girlfriend is one word, not two.

Moving on however, yes, I do live with my parents.  So do you.  No, I don’t live on the bad side of town, I live past the bad side of town, where it gets nice again.

And no, my shirt wasn’t too small, my doughy body is simply too fat, there’s a difference.  One is caused by buying clothes that don’t fit.  The other is caused by buying clothes that do fit, and then adopting a diet of pizza and beer for four months.

And yes, I did say you weren’t as hot as you think you are.  This was because of the rant you went on when we first met, where you couldn’t get over how hot you think you are.  You might not remember that part of the conversation, because at that point your shed had already collapsed and taken most of the fence with it.

But the thing that really irks me about this response is that you say I told you about puking in bed with my girlfriend.  That absolutely 100% did not happen.  Not ever.  Nor did I say it happened.  That’s terrible, and I don’t like it when people spread lies.

I pooped in bed with my girlfriend, not puked.  There is a world of difference.

[I had a bad case of food poisoning and woke up in the middle of shitting myself, ran to the bathroom to contain the mess, and while crapping my brains out wrestled with whether I should shout to my girlfriend (who was still asleep) and warn her about the liquid mess I'd left in the bed.  If I didn't wake her, she might move around in her sleep and discover it.  If I did wake her, she might move around while groggy, before it sinks in that I'm telling her not to move.  It's a tough call, and I chose to keep quiet.  When I was done, I woke her and had her get out of bed on the other side.]

Obviously it might be easy to mishear and think I said puke instead of poop, but the story doesn’t make sense that way.  How could I even contemplate shouting something to wake her up if I was puking?  It only works if the nastiness is coming out of a hole other than the one I talk with.

I understand now why you blew me off.  Obviously this misunderstanding has caused you to think I’m a bad story teller.  I wouldn’t be interested in a guy who told the puke version of that story either.

As for my tier 1 law degree, of course you don’t care about it.  Obviously anyone going to Samford University Cumberland School of Law, Grocery, and Car Wash doesn’t really care much about good schools.  …Not that NYU is a good school.  They’re all pretty bad (except maybe Northwestern, they look decent), but at least NYU is at the top of the curve.  (Also, only TTT students refer to NYU as tier 1; students at good schools use the t-14 v. shit school distinction.)  While you shouldn’t really care about my degree, you should care about the toilet degree you’re about to spend three years on.  (She has a full scholarship, so it only costs time, effort, and opportunity.)

Salaries for lawyers are bimodal.  This means the distribution isn’t a bell curve, but instead has two peaks.

There’s a cluster of people making $160,000, and a cluster making $40,000-$60,000, with a few people in the middle.  There are very good outcomes and very bad outcomes, and 99% of the good outcomes are reserved for students from the elite schools (the top third of t1).

Legal salary distribution is like anal sex.  Anal sex is either going to be really good or really awful.  There is no mediocre anal sex.  The kids at Harvard, Columbia, UVA, etc have a virtual monopoly on condoms and lube, so going to a TTT is pretty much like sentencing yourself to federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison.

When I enrolled in law school there wasn’t this wealth of information out there coming from all the disenchanted lawyers warning the next generation to stay away.  None of us knew that our schools were committing fraud with their employment stats, or that professors were actively working on making law school even less useful to students.  But, that information is out there now, and it’s easy to find.  Use it.  Making bad decisions because you conducted poor research is not a habit you should be cultivating as an attorney-to-be.

And, to answer your question, I guess we can be friends.  It’s not like there’s a whole lot else going on in this town and it’s too much trouble to avoid all the girls who aren’t interested in me.

PS: If your MO is to blow people off with radio silence instead of telling them you’re simply not interested, you may want to check out the amazing  (1, 2) 3-part round table discussion on the wimpy behavior of lawyers.

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25 Responses to “Can You Believe She Previously Complimented How Smooth I Was?”

  1. thenambypamby Says:

    So, she’s available?

  2. bl1y Says:

    I guess so.

  3. therapeutic ramblings Says:

    Whether….not weather.

    You at least didn’t blame it on your g/f. My buddy woke up to himself peeing in a girl’s bed, and then blamed it on her. She was so mortified at the thought that she may have done it that she avoided talking to him, and he moved on to the next poor girl.

  4. bl1y Says:

    I knew that pointing out someone else’s grammatical errors would mean I’d make a few of my own. But, if you’re going to write sloppy, I figure the best place to do it is in a poop story.

  5. tal Says:

    this post is super reactive and is a big DLV, broham.

    The story does make sense with puking, since often people puke in ‘waves’ with plenty of time to do things like shout in between bouts of puking. Or you could have been contemplating waking her up just after you puked.

  6. bl1y Says:

    Is it difficult to type with Owen Cook’s cock in your mouth, or are you so desensitized to it that you just don’t even notice any more?

  7. [Red Headed Slut] Says:

    I wrote it from my phone at work (because I have a job) quickly and with lots of anger hence all the bad grammar. I’ll make lots of money and get a great job because I am hot, smart, and connected. Also, I will spare my self the shame which you’ve suffered of having to move back to Alabama with out a job if I just stay here in the first place. Zing.

    [I've edited her name because I think she hasn't realized just how gossipy law students are, and how fragile a Google footprint can be. While I am an asshole, I'm not mean.]

  8. skeptic Says:

    I believe Red Headed Slut is hot, and she may well be connected, but it is impossible that she is smart. No smart person would go to law school at Samford. And the scholarship means nothing. A full ride would justify turning down at T14 school for another school in the top 50. There is never any reason to a TTT, and anyone who does so is one of those sad creatures who fancy themselves as smart because they’re in law school but aren’t smart enough to realize how dumb they are.

  9. Leo Says:

    Good article. I enjoyed it. Check out Law Riot.

  10. Olga Says:

    Men should have to get special permission to have sex with us. You can see that BL1Y is not even grateful for the sex he received from this woman, who is rightfully mad that BL1Y has abandoned her and was not forthright in how he dealt with other woman who gave their bodies to him. It is only natural that the woman is a little bit bitter at him. No woman appreciates taking his body parts inside her and then getting this type of reception.

  11. bl1y Says:

    I can’t tell if RHS is serious, or engaging in the kind of trolling that’s so common on legal blogs.

    If by “lots of money” you mean $40,000/yr, then yes, you probably will make lots of money.

    And, if you’re planning on caching in on your looks, law school is the last thing you want to do. Stress can cause you to put on weight, as will having a lack of free time to go to the gym. By the time you enter the work force you’ll be what? 30 years old? Your looks are going to be on their way out. If you hope to cash in, do so now.

    Lastly, you can’t use the “I’m smart” argument when you have a degree from Athens State Community College. You need some evidence to back up the claim, and your (guessing here) 155 LSAT won’t suffice.

  12. bl1y Says:

    I asked, and yes, she is still available

  13. Cam Says:

    Loving this. What I’m really curious about is the “Can we just be friends???” at the end of her original comment. It doesn’t seem likely to be sincere, but it really doesn’t make sense as sarcasm.

    And, for the record, there is a reason most phones have full Qwerty keyboards–probably partly so you don’t sound so dumb ranting at someone online.

  14. bl1y Says:

    Yeah, I was a bit thrown by that too. A real friend would buy me a beer to make up for being such a flaky, angry, red headed slut.

  15. bl1y Says:

    Oh yeah, all you people enjoying the drama, be sure to click on the little icons for Digg, or Reddit, or whatever your favorite blog pimping system is.

  16. Kady Says:

    Well, you’re a misogynist, but at least you’re a friggin’ hilarious misogynist.

  17. bl1y Says:

    I’m not a misogynist, I just like making fun of feminists because it’s more fun than ragging on rednecks and bible thumpers.

    Making fun of the right is played out, and it’s just lame now. It’s like making fun of the retarded kid. What’s the point.

    But, feminists are more like the kid who takes student counsel too seriously. Think Paris Geller from Gilmore Girls. It’s fun to go after her. Not so fun to pick on Bradley Langford.

  18. Marie Says:

    I am not a feminist, but I like equal rights and recognition of the fact that we are women with some difference that must be accomodated.

    That means if the firm can hold a nite out at Citi Field for the partners, that they can let the women have their own nite out at a venue of our choosing.

    It also means that women’s physical limitations be recognized and accomodated.

  19. bl1y Says:

    Marie, the women at my old firm wanted to have a “spa night” when I was a summer associate, saying it was only fair because we had a golf outing, bowling, and a baseball game. The guys agreed. Then, the women got pissed off because they found out the guys wanted to go to spa night.

    Yeup, we can enjoy strawberries, champagne, and a massage too. What guy wouldn’t like that? But, the women insisted we shouldn’t be allowed to go, so we said fine, but we want equal funding for our own event the same night, which we would spend at a relatively cheap bar getting shithoused.

    Once again, the women objected, saying (inexplicably) that having our own event was unfair, and anyways, we couldn’t have guys night on the same night as spa night, because guy’s night sounded a lot more fun and all the women would show up at the bar instead of the spa, ruining spa night.

    Someone conjure Lewis Black for me.

  20. IKnowYou Says:

    For an unemployed T1 grad to open his mouth in judgment of the career choices of others is inappropriate because you have no credibility. You clearly can’t practice what you preach, and it’s obvious why. This blog is an orgy of the saddest, most bitter rants and tirades I’ve ever seen, and I can only assume it provides an accurate insight into the mindset of the author. I have no doubt these attitudes are apparent to people who meet you in person too.

    Being a GOOD lawyer is much more than having a degree from a top school; it involves interpersonal skills, developing connections and friendships, and developing a working knowledge of the law in real world contexts. If people can’t stand you, which is probably a situation you encounter often, then you won’t be a good lawyer. It’s that simple. Having a good attitude about your work and life helps too (that’s a tip, write it down). Graduating from a T1 school just proves you can write a decent essay in 4 hours and that you did well on the LSAT.

    Being a SUCCESSFUL lawyer is also much more than making a ton of money while working 70 hour weeks and living in an office through the weekends. If I want to advocate for abused children in a non-profit that happens to pay $40k, and I achieve that goal, who is more successful? Me? Or you, pounding angrily and bitterly on your keyboard from your parents’ basement while generating zero income and zero production? Are you living your dream? Do you even have one? If I want to prosecute criminals to make sure no one breaks into your parents’ house and steals your computer full of porn, and I achieve that goal, I am successful. Defining “success” soley in terms of how much money you make is a sad and narrow way to define it. For every “successful” big firm lawyer, there are 3 or 4 others doing different kinds of work, and I’d bet most of them are happier.

    If you want a high-paying big firm job in LA or Chicago, then going to Cumberland is a bad move. But if you want to work and live in Alabama, it’s a GOOD idea. Samford has a vast network of alumni in Birmingham and other Alabama cities. Samford has a very good trial ad program. Samford is better than Jones or BSL, and both of those schools have produced Alabama Circuit and Supreme Court judges and justices. And if you can go for free, then it costs you much less than paying to go to Bama. There are a lot of people in my office from Samford, and they are very good trial lawyers who were promoted quickly and make plenty of money. Oh, and they love what they do.

  21. bl1y Says:

    Actually, some pretty good empirical studies have shown that unhappy, pessimistic people perform better as lawyers. Their negative attitude makes them more suspicious, critical, and risk aware, all good traits for a lawyer to have. Someone who is happy and optimistic generally doesn’t spend time dwelling on all the different ways a deal might fall apart or siblings will argue over a will.

    And, the reason I mention money as a measure of success is because most people want to make money. Offer the kids at Samford a $160k job in a major market and almost all of them are going to jump on it, even the ones who said they went to law school to advocate for abused children.

    Also, the good public interest jobs are becoming more competitive. With fewer big law jobs on the market, more of the top kids from top schools are going for positions with groups like the ACLU or Southern Poverty Law Center. Wanting to take a public interest gig doesn’t necessarily mean you can get one, even for $40k.

    Sure, there are judges from Samford sitting on some pretty decent courts, but a TTT degree 20 years ago was worth a lot more than it is now that there are a score of new diploma mills popping up every year and the supply of lawyers is exploding. Also, we have elected judges in this state, so the quality of your legal skills really means shit in making it on to the bench. Freaking Roy Moore isn’t even aware that the Constitution has a no religious tests clause for elected officials (he wrote an article advocating that Muslims be banned from Congress).

    If the only thing my prestigious degree shows is that I can write a decent essay and score well on the LSAT, does that mean your TTT paper proves you can’t write for shit or understand the basics of deductive reasoning?

    Yeah, kinda set yourself up for that one, didn’t you, champ?

  22. rhs Says:

    Did I forget to mention the only reason I’m going to Cumberland is to meet guys that are in med school at UAB?

  23. bl1y Says:

    Then get a job at a bar near the med school. You’ll actually meet some med students instead of spending all your weekend nights in the law library.

    Also, you mentioned the reason you’re going to law school is because you want to be a trial lawyer. But, you were also very drunk.

  24. IKnowYou Says:

    No I didn’t really, cause I went to a T1 school, having scored very well on the LSAT and demonstrated an ability to reason deductively. But just because I went to a top 40 law school doesn’t mean that I can or should stand in judgment of other people and the road they choose to take, especially if I had failed in all respects after my graduation. And yes, your degree does show only those things, because it obviously doesn’t show you to be employable or tolerable. A good degree literally means nothing if no one can stand your attitude long enough to hire you. Good thing there’s solo practice.

    Studies also show that lawyers get drunk, eat drugs, and kill themselves at much higher rates than most people, so yay for studies. I wonder if it’s the balanced, well adjusted lawyers who form those statistics, or the hateful, bitter ones who suck cock (figuratively) for money? And which are you? Good luck.

    The reason you describe making money as the only measure of success is because you lack wisdom and perspective. You drank the law school cool-aid and now you’re sick. Are jobs competative? Yes. More so than in the past? Yes. Is shit in general harder than it used to be? Yes. So show me a professional field where it’s easier to get hired now than it was 5 or 10 years ago. Does that mean a person should give up? Well, I guess it does to you. Sure, a lot, maybe even most, law students would jump at the opportunity to make a huge salary doing whatever. But most law students don’t know what they want to do, other than “get a job” and “make money.” If you offered that position to a person who was passionate about advocating for children, however, they would likely turn it down. I’ve seen it happen. Or they would quit after a year to do what they love because they hated the big firm. I’ve seen that happen a LOT.

    Your retort regarding judges from “inferior” schools proves my point. They ARE successful from an objective viewpoint: they have money, power, respect, and the satisfaction that comes with setting a goal and achieving it. You might mock their knowledge and regard them with contempt because, well, that’s what you do. But those judges from Jones or Samford prove that you can be successful without a top-ten law school degree if you’re good with people and treat them with respect.

  25. bl1y Says:

    Reading impaired much?

    I never said money is the only measure of success. However, it is something that is pretty universally desired. Doing plaintiff’s work for $20/hr might be what someone wants, but it’s a niche desire, so saying 40% of XYZ’s graduates do that work doesn’t tell you much about those student’s ability to get their desired outcome.

    And again, you missed the point about TTT judges. Those judges went to school decades ago. The schools and the law school industry are not the same now. As the market becomes overcrowded, law degrees become less valuable, and the T2-T4 degrees take the biggest hit. There are a lot more schools at the bottom than before. There are still only 14 in the top 14.

    PS: To get laid off, someone has to stand you enough to hire you.

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