Law Blogger Creates Space-Time Nexus on Way to Work

Your client, “Daisy,” comes to you worried that she will be given a ticket for running a red light (no ticket has yet been issued).  She tells you that she was traveling on a road in Chicago at 30 mph, entered an intersection that crossed a 4 lane road as the light turned yellow, and as she exited the intersection, the light turned red, and she saw the red light camera flash go off, which made her worry that she will be given a ticket, even though she entered when the light was yellow.

Do you tell your client:

(A) Not to worry about it until actually getting a ticket,

(B) Not to worry about it, because red light cameras can only catch an offender entering an intersection, not leaving it, and so the camera was almost certainly taking a picture of either someone behind her, or someone entering the intersection from the other direction, OR

(C) Her story is complete BS, because a four lane intersection is 48 feet across, and the average time for a traffic light to change from yellow to red is 3 seconds, and at 30 mph, she would have traveled through the intersection and an additional 84 feet by the time the light turned red, meaning that if she traveled any faster than 2 mph, it would have been impossible for her to both enter the intersection as the light turned yellow and exit as it turned red.

If you chose option C, does your answer change if the client is the type of person who will call you a “clueless,” “arrogant,” “epic douche” who is “the reason America hates lawyers” if you explain to her basic mathematics?

Extra credit question #1: Recent research has shown that men, on average, are able to solve spatial reasoning problems faster than women.  Does this lend any credence to the “crazy woman driver” stereotype?

Extra credit question #2: When presented with simple facts about speeds and distances, some women become irate and resort to name calling through multiple consecutive tweets.  Does this lend any credence to the “crazy woman driver” stereotype?

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18 Responses to “Law Blogger Creates Space-Time Nexus on Way to Work”

  1. jay Says:

    this is a little harsh, but also funny. have you ever read daisy jd’s blog? it’s so horrible!

  2. Demosthenes Says:

    Holy mother of jesus, what in the hell is that blog?

    “”The best feeling in the world is taking a nap on an airplane, on my husband’s shoulder while we fly somewhere exciting…I wear too much sunscreen, I prefer to fly on Southwest Airlines and I miss my sorority sisters every day….My husband B and I have one fur-baby, a beagle named Rhett Butler who makes us laugh.”"

    Congratulations! Your self description actually retarded feminism 20 years! FYI, although you may make an argument that BL1Y is why “america hates lawyers,” I would riposte that you’re the reason why “america hates sorority girls.”

  3. Joshue Tree Says:

    I am an American…and I now hate lawyers. GOOD JOB.

  4. Larry Says:

    Women are often irrational, but we need them for a number of purposes.

    You need to clarify if Daisy was willing to do something to lessen the charge.

  5. bl1y Says:

    The only people who don’t hate lawyers are people who have never met a lawyer, and women trying to marry up.

  6. thenambypamby Says:

    Stop attacking my employed lawyer friends with your free time.

    And the correct answer is all of the above.

  7. Cali Ann Says:

    Is there a purpose behind being unneccessarily hateful? An entire blog post about an incident that happened on a stranger’s way to work seems a bit over the top. (directed at the blogger). As for her blog, she writes about what is important to her, not you. If her husband, her dog, and her friends make her happy, so be it. It isn’t her job to promote feminism with her blog. Her space on the Internet is for whatever makes her happy. If you don’t enjoy her subjects or writing style, don’t read her blog. Being harshly judgemental doesn’t reflect on her, it reflects on you. (directed at the commented, not the blogger)

  8. Anonymous Says:

    Really? It’s that damn serious to you?

  9. chris Says:

    C is by far the best answer, but only if you roll your eyes first and the mumble “Idiot” under your breath as you finish.

    Cali Ann needs to chill out. If you’re actually from California then you’re giving us a bad name by stressing over a funny blog post.

  10. Bad Monkey Says:

    There is the possibility the light is running fast. A few jurisdictions have already gotten their fingers caught in the cookie jar for changing the timing on lights after installing cameras.

    People misremember things all the time. Daisy may very well believe they entered as it turned yellow, when it was actually yellow before they entered. But with a quick running light it may turn red before they exited.

    Daisy should go to the intersection with a video camera and a stopwatch. Record the light as it changes to see if it is running fast. If it is film it through several cycles to get a good record of it. Be very useful to have in court if the light is running fast. But if it’s only short by some hundredths of a second “Daisy” probably would want to lose that film.

  11. Overflowing Brain Says:

    OMG! You’re SO right. I mean, naturally not knowing all the intricate details of traffic lights makes Daisy worthy of an entire blog post pointing out her lack of completely useless knowledge. I mean, I’m almost sad that there aren’t more blogs with this incredibly important content. My life is complete now. Thank you SO much.

    Bonus fact 1: Men are less safe drivers, but way to be a stereotypical sexist.

    Bonus fact 2: Men may be better at solving spatial problems, but when it comes to deciding what’s worth time and energy, they somehow still think that roasting a total stranger for something completely inane and unimportant is the right use of time. They’re wrong. They need hobbies.

  12. bl1y Says:

    Cali and Overflowing: Thank you so much for valuing my blog so highly that you would think a post here is somehow important and petty feuds are unworthy of this hollowed space of the internet.

    Bad Monkey: I’ve read about lights running fast as well. But, for this to happen, the light would need to run 3x as fast, only lasting for 1 second.

    Incidentally, I think (B) is true, that if she entered the intersection while the light was yellow, it doesn’t matter how fast or slow she crossed, the light didn’t get her. The violation is entering the intersection while red, not leaving it, so it would make sense to get pictures of cars entering the intersection, not leaving them.

    Cali: Also, I write about what’s important to me, not you. If making fun of people getting upset about something that’s probably nothing and then claiming that the laws of physics are more likely to bend for her car than she is to be wrong about when she entered and left an intersection. It isn’t my job to tell her she’s right about everything. My space on the internet is for whatever makes me happy. If you don’t like my subjects or my writing style, don’t read my blog.

    …Actually, please keep reading. My traffic is crap.

  13. Dennis Says:

    Don’t you understand that people like Daisy and her buddy ThirdTierAmie are not wrong. If you don’t agree with them you are stupid, or a sexist, or a racist, or some ist. Plus, their stools smell like roses.

    Way to call her out.

  14. bl1y Says:

    Some people definitely are trained to always defer to women in any disagreement, and it wouldn’t be at all surprising for a woman these days to (by choice or per happenstance) only interact with such people. I think that would explain her strong reaction.

    Most men, on the other hand, go their entire lives being told they are wrong about everything, and as such develop better coping skills to being challenged. If Daisy were a man, the response would have been either:

    (A) at least I have a job to get a ticket on my way to, OR

    (B) my car is 13.5 feet long (pretty average), so going from the front end entering the intersection to the back end exiting means adding an addition 27 feet, for a total of 75, and also adding in that fact that lines for intersections start a good ways before the physical intersection of roadways, it would be entirely possible for a car traveling 30mph to enter the intersection as the light turned yellow, slow down slightly while passing through the intersection, and exit as the light is turning red if the light changed a mere two-thirds of a second faster than normal.

    But, instead we just get “you don’t know!” and “you’re a douche!”

    And, arrogance and douchebaggery are not the reasons why people hate lawyers. The fact that we will charge people an insane amount of money to defend them, but 99% of us would never put in the cognitive effort to ever figure (B) out on their own is why people hate lawyers.

  15. Larry Says:

    As a member of the bar in good standing, I like clients that pay my bills, but the rest of them are douchenozzles.

    When will I learn to spot a douchenozzle before I take on the representation.

    Even the good looking women are not immune from becoming douchenozzles.

    Pay your bills!

  16. Nando Says:

    Funny post. We need not always defer to women. Being human, they are often wrong. The other day, a friend complained when I pointed out some obvious conflicts of interest regarding a state-wide “office-holder.” She thought I was being too negative. (Yeah, I haven’t heard that one before.) Well, when someone is an ass – especially one on the public’s payroll – you have the right, duty and obligation to point that out.

    bl1y, quit offending these ultrasensitive women with your basic observations and hilarious commentary. By the way, Cali Ann and “Overflowing Brain,” this woman was dumb enough to put this inanity on the Internet. Hence, she is fair game.

  17. Anonymous Says:

    I’d love to smite you just because I’m a woman, a lawyer and I happen to like Daisy’s blog. Don’t be such a butthead.

  18. bl1y Says:

    I’d love to smite me too. My life would be much better if there was someone I was smitten on.

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