Today is some sort of queer unity thing, which I guess sprung up from all the national media attention on the fact that the homosexual suicide rate (estimated around 3x straight suicides) has almost reach the male suicide rate (4x higher than female suicides).  And so on facebook you’re likely to see some combination of the letters L, G, B, T, and Q, most commonly found in that order, though sometimes with the G and L reversed.

Those of you who actually take time to think about things, will be wondering what the Q is.  Well, it’s obvious what it stands for, Queer.  This is where most people stop thinking.  But, if the gears in your brain have the ability to turn one complete cycle, you’ll be left wondering who that’s supposed to include.

After all, aren’t all the people under the L, G, B and T label also queer?  Is their part of the acronym redundant?  Yeah, pretty much.  They get their own letters because of the history of these groups.  First the gays and lesbians banded together.  And after that, they ganged up on bisexuals because they thought bisexuality was a myth created by college girls who either wanted attention by making out with each other, or wanted to fool around with girls without being labeled a lesbian.

Over time though, the Gs and the Ls finally accepted …the Ts.  Why?  Because the T comedians are far more entertaining than the G and L comedians and they throw better parties.  Then, I suppose, the Ts, who are pretty cool folk, must have talked the Ls and the Gs into accepting the Bs, who somehow got priority lettering when LGBT was formed.  I think they moved the Bs up so they could pretend that Ls and Gs have never been bigoted against other queers.  Also, since feminist academics have annexed sexual orientation issues into their own domain, the Ls generally get to go ahead of the Gs.  If you say GLBT, you’re a sexist.

So now why that Q on the end?  Well, after the feminist academics took over, they realized that they might be accused of marginalizing groups outside of mainstream queerdom, as the Ls and Gs did to the Bs and Ts for a long time.  So, they needed a catchall term that would include whatever they hadn’t thought of (such as Intersex), and LGBTEtc didn’t solve the problem.  Including people as “et cetera” is basically the exact problem they wanted to avoid.

But, how is that different from the Q in LGBTQ?  We shouldn’t read Q as “queer,” as that makes the previous four letters redundant.  What the Q really stands for is “queers not included in LGBT.”  And…yeah, that’s exactly what Etc would have done.

[Side note, yes, I know et cetera is used for things, et al is used for people.  But, since we're talking about groups rather than individuals, etc is acceptable.  Also, this phenomenon has already been dubbed "the embarassing etc," and so it's too late to change it.]

When I was at the University of Alabama, somehow this whole mess wasn’t a problem.  My school simply had the QSA, the Queer Straight Alliance.  Bingo, bango, no worries.  Actually, one.  If you read “straight” as “heterosexual” then you have the problem that many transgendered people, who fall under the Q, are also heterosexual, and thus fall under the S as well, but the Q and S are intended to refer to groups without an overlap.  So, you have to read S as both heterosexual and cisgender.

Why hasn’t this all encompassing Q been adopted by more mainstream gay rights group?  Because the Ls and Gs want to feel special and don’t just want to fall under one umbrella term that lumps them in with those other queers.  This is also why they never put the Bs or Ts first in their acronyms.  Shouldn’t they just pick a random order every time they use it?  Nope!  The first-class queers have back of the bus is reserved for the second-class queers.  Intersex has to find their own ride.

[Another side note: Intersex refers to people with a chromosome group other than XX or XY, such as XXY or XYY.  Most of the time though, it's meant to refer to the most severe cases, where a person is born with both sets of sex organs.  Most intersex individuals are actually unaware, having been born with standard-issue sex organs and little or no side effects from the chromosomes.  The I tends to just mean the people who are affected by their genetics.]

So, mostly just to screw with the sanctimonious queer-friendly crowd that doesn’t actually understand the interplay between different queer groups, I’ve devised my own acronym:


Why this order?  Two reasons.

First, it is arranged from awesome to annoying.  Who doesn’t like bi girls?  And bisexual guys are just less competition; they have half as much time to chase girls, and their bi status doesn’t make them any more appealing to the ladies.  Next, of course, lesbians.  I’m a straight male, I like lesbians. Fact of the universe. Moving on, Ts.  Some people might think the Ts are more obnoxious than the Gs and should go later.  But, the drag shows can be pretty cool, and they don’t sing show tunes.  That gives them priority over the Gs, sorry.  At least Lady Gaga will still pander to you in order to separate your money from your wallet love you.

But why are the Is on the end?  I don’t really find them annoying or awesome, because I don’t find them at all.  They aren’t very common, and like I said above, most people with unusual chromosome groupings don’t exhibit any signs of it. I don’t even know of any I stereotypes. The only ones you hear of are female athletes who were unaware of their genetics until a sporting committee challenged their victory in some competition.

As for the second reason I went with BLTGI, it sounds like it’s not only a delicious sandwich, but has defended our country in combat overseas.  Who wouldn’t love a BLT GI?

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5 Responses to “BLTGI”

  1. alex Says:

    Q can also stand for “Questioning”

  2. John Says:

    I spent that entire post thinking about bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwiches. Some interesting points though, all of which will be added to the armoury for infuriating the feminists in my department.

  3. evrenseven Says:

    Oh yeah, that’s *is* a most delicious sandwich.

  4. Larry Says:

    I think if the gay guys start thinking of where else they can park their dicks, they will soon discover that women aren’t a bad alternative.

    There’s at least 1 extra orifice with women that doesn’t stink (sometimes 2), so there are choices.

    The gay dudes who take the time to try it may find out it’s OK to go straight.

  5. Drek Says:

    Awesome. By that logic, Larry’s a staunch advocate of “a mouth’s a mouth” and is fine with getting blow by guys.

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