Blind Drunk Justice, Unattractive Nuisance Edition

Some of you may have noticed a certain lack of a blind drunk judiciary last Friday.  Let me explain.  Last week Philadelphia Lawyer wrote a post discussing the different types of drunk various alcohols will make you.  I disagreed with his assessment (it’s in the comments).  He claimed that beer produces a slow, stupid drunk, and so to test this theory, I got royally shithoused on Yuengling.

Okay, so you might be thinking Yuengling, sure it’s a pretty decent beer taste wise, but it’s only 4.4% ABV.  How do you get shithoused on that?  Simple.  First, start drinking early in the day, to raise your baseline blood alcohol content from 0.00 to somewhere closer to 0.03-0.04.  This is called a “running start.”  Then, when the time is right, you just move to regular fast-paced drinking.  At that point you will be 100% prepared to record the worst podcast I’ve ever suffered through editing.

I woke up Friday with possibly the worst hangover I’ve ever had, and as such didn’t get a lot of editing done.  Then, of course, Saturday and Sunday are reserved for watching football, so I didn’t get a lot done then either.  That brings us to this morning, when the final, god-awful, don’t-say-I-didn’t-warn-you, seriously-please-don’t-bother-listening-to-this version was edited, music was added, tracks were mixed down to two channels, exported to mp3 format and uploaded to the internets.

Seriously, “unattractive nuisance” doesn’t even begin to describe this shit storm.

Blind Drunk Justice, Episode 9

And faaantastic… While previewing this post to make sure everything was working …it’s not.  The audio plug in I use was “updated” twice over the weekend, so of course it’s not working.  If it doesn’t play, just right click on “Download,” select “Save Link As,” and you can just listen to it on whatever media player you use.

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10 Responses to “Blind Drunk Justice, Unattractive Nuisance Edition”

  1. thenambypamby Says:

    Can we just delete it and skip no. 9?

  2. bl1y Says:

    Yeah, you’d think so.

  3. wlmingtonwave Says:

    Since when are you two mormons? (this is in regard to the “bleeping” of your more colorful comments).

  4. bl1y Says:

    That’s my doing. For some reason I wanted to avoid the explicit tag on iTunes, so I bleeped out a few things. I thought that might give the slow a little extra credibility, not realizing at the time that our crappy content would make that impossible.

    I could stop bleeping stuff now, but I don’t know how to change the RSS stuff for iTunes to add the explicit tag. Also, bleeping is super easy and it makes me feel productive to do it.

  5. wlmingtonwave Says:

    Understandable. It actually makes the show more amusing and yes, you do not want to corrupt the children listeners.

  6. wlmingtonwave Says:

    I forgot to comment about the PL article. I too have tested this with natty light. I think you both are right in a way. Yes, beer does make you more sluggish/slovenly, but this is because it just takes you so damn long to get “there”. In my experience, I drank natty light for a good eight hours and I did not have the energy to do anything. I just felt sluggish and tired. However, it was not simply the time that did this–it was the lack of glucose. Liquor is so often mixed with so many sugary substances that it gives you the kick to keep going on (or in the case of rum/whiskey/bourbon it actually is filled with sugar). So it is the composition of it, but also the time factor.

    Now, if you want to get serious, might I suggest Four Loko.
    http://wildcat.arizona.edu/news/four-loko-riskier-than-beer-1.1725291

    This is the the most maniacal and dangerous drunk that I have ever experienced. You are just as apt to hook up with fat girls are you are to wake up in a warehouse without any pants on. For the truly iron-stomached (and devoid of any dignity), this is a fine substance.

  7. bl1y Says:

    Based on about 2 minutes of searching the web, it would appear that sweet liquors like bourbon or rum don’t actually contain any sugar.

    Of course, this could be completely wrong, but even if they were packed with sugar, it wouldn’t make a difference because that amount of sugar would be insignificant compared to what else you’re consuming. A Burger King Buck Double has 6 grams of sugar. You’d have to get up to Grand Marnier or SoCo to compete with that.

    Like you said, there’s often mixers involved. I think the mixer will have more to do with the quality of the drunk than the liquor itself, especially since the mixer often dictates your pace (a Jack and Coke disappears far quicker than a neat Scotch).

  8. wlmingtonwave Says:

    I was not sure about Bourbon, but I thought that because Rum is distilled from sugar, it would have a high sugar content, but it does make sense that it would not be “sugar” when one consumes it. Maybe, this is just another point in your argument, because when I drink syrupy rum, I have always felt a “sugar kick: (even when I drink it straight).

  9. bl1y Says:

    Even if it was 40% alcohol, 60% refined white sugar, it’s not really that much sugar. If that was enough sugar to give a qualitatively different drunk, then a handful of peanuts would be enough to make all of your drunks the same.

  10. Matt Says:

    With regard to the beeping – I think in the right context the beeping is actually funnier than the real world. See e.g. Arrested Development and Action; but c.f. George Carlin.

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