Attention Plebeians!

Attention plebeians, fanboys, and obnoxious comment trolls!

This Thursday and Friday I will be making an appearance in Tuscaloosa, the jewel of West Alabama.  I fully expect a welcoming committee, and some sort of large container filled with booze.  Or several smaller containers filled with booze.

The last time I was in Tuscaloosa I was outside of Egan’s just after they closed and shouted at some girl who had walked by a minute before but was now leaving.

Me: “Hot girl! Don’t leave me!”

At this moment, two fatties walk by.

Me: [To the fatties] “Not you.”

Fatty 1: “What?!”

I guess she thought I was saying she wasn’t hot, which was pretty much exactly what I meant.

Me: “I said I wasn’t talking to you.”

Fatty 1: “Oh, okay.”

What?!  They somehow accepted my explanation as meaning that I wasn’t insulting them.  But, “Not you” and “I wasn’t talking to you” are expressing the exact same idea.  How does saying it twice make things any better?  I guess in fatty logic, two wrongs do make a right.  Maybe that’s why fatties always travel in pairs.

Oh, also there will be some Tucker Max guy doing a book singing Thursday night for his new book Assholes Finish First.  Signing is at 7:00pm at the BAM on Skyland.

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15 Responses to “Attention Plebeians!”

  1. Joey Says:

    I plan on visiting Mobile soon. A lot of people did the same exploits as T Max at Tuscaloosa. U of A is one big party school.

  2. Joey Says:

    I wish I could live my whole life in undergrad and never grow old.

  3. Ben Corman Says:

    I’m going to bring you AIDS in a cup.

  4. Larry Says:

    I have found that the fat chicks are generally the most grateful in the sack. As long as you get ‘em clean and hump them before they start sweating profusely, they are great.

    If you remember, those chicks from Omega Mu on the movie Revenge of the Nerds wound up giving the douchebags quite a sexual experience.

    So once you get past the fact you are not screwing models, you can get a lot of action from nearly all fat broads.

  5. bl1y Says:

    Joey: Story goes that a buddy of mine pissed on the side of the Tuscaloosa court house.

  6. Lee Says:

    I will be at a Halloween party in Birmingham. Out of solidarity with fat chicks, I will not attend.

  7. bl1y Says:

    Thursday and Friday? I guess it takes fatties longer to party.

  8. bl1y Says:

    Lee, Don’t know why it’s taken me so long to respond on this part…I think maybe the sheer idiocy of the comment made me subconsciously deny that you even wrote it.

    Solidarity with fat chicks? What the fuck is that? Are you a fat chick?

  9. Aline Says:

    You should NOT bash larger women. Watch the movie City Island. They show that fat can be beautiful. That’s why we are called Big Beautiful Women BBW.

    Large women are very nice people. Besides, BL1Y must have been rejected by a BBW. I think he will never get the pleasure of having one of us.

    To bad. BBW’s make sure not to give any pleasure to BL1Y. Lee is smart. We can give him a BJ for free.

  10. Nando Says:

    We can all thank Tucker Max for letting others know that even elite law schools are awful places.

  11. bl1y Says:

    You notice fat girls are the only ones who try to convince you that they’re attractive? It’s not really something where you can argue your way into people accepting it. If we look at you and aren’t turned on, you can’t rationalize an erection out of us.

  12. BL3Y (still no relation) Says:

    Aline,
    I think you’ve got your points mixed up. There are some BBW but just because you’re morbidly obese doesn’t automatically make you beautiful. There are some large, heinous, sweaty hogs out there who would legitimately qualify as coyote ugly. And I don’t mean that like the movie, but rather the kind of ugly where if you wake up next to her and she’s laying on your arm you’d rather chew your own arm off rather than wake her up. That being said, they generally do give a mean BJ and they’re often far more willing to indulge you in your out of the ordinary bedroom requests. So it’s a mixed bag.

  13. BL4Y Says:

    I cannot understand anyone that will settle for an overweight woman. Small breasts are neither here nor there, but normal weight or less is essential to normal sexual attraction. BL3y–are you serious? How on earth can you even anjoy a BJ when the woman conjures up images of rosseane? The guy in revenge of the nerds probably started his own frat, got his teeth fixed, bought decent clothes and ditched the overweight losers once he hooked up with the hot chick. There should even be a test for politicians and justices–people with overweight wives or husbands should be disqualified. Fat justice is too intermixed with tolerance for bad behavior that fat people allow or countenance because of their otherwise anemic social lives.

  14. Not a Lawyer Says:

    Not all fat girls are nice. There is another breed, my friends. Fat Bitches.

  15. bl1y Says:

    Fat girls are more likely to be mean actually. People are nicer to good looking girls, and having people be nice to you all the time is more likely to make you a happy person who is nice to others.

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