Nuisance Value

New post from me over on Constitutional Daily.  Be sure to check it out: Nuisance Value

“Most people would consider leaving with a number to be a victory. Those people don’t talk to enough girls at bars. Getting a number is easy. Girls give out numbers like Scientologists give out stress tests.  The hard part is getting them to answer or call you back. Girls, that is. The hard part with Scientologists is getting them to stop calling you.”

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107 Responses to “Nuisance Value”

  1. Bill Says:

    I never have hooked up with Asian twat. I decided to keep my dick in US pussy–its safer.

  2. Anonymous Says:

    The USA male/female tug o’war should be lightened up with humour:

    As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, “If I’m going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman.” She removes all her clothing and asks, “Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?” A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, “Here, iron this!”

  3. Pig Says:

    Bill, you are as gross and insensitive as you are insensitive and gross.

    I bet you’d have better manners offering a drink to Jennifer Garner if her car collapsed in the sinkhole near your trailer. I am sure for example, that you wash out the hubcap before filling it with beer and chase the mice away before offering her a stump to sit on.

    But enough about you. My girlfriend in college (its a big place with students) was part Guamanian (from Guam) (its an island) (“its an oprea”). She was phenomenal, although you would have objected because she had all her teeth and could read.

    You can’t really go to school today without doing it with Asians since they make up almost half of some campuses (45% at UCLA for example). They tend to be smart, slim and funny even if they wouldn’t know how to use your outhouse.

  4. JP Says:

    Bill is probably also Ellen. That’s the way this blog rolls.

  5. Harry Says:

    And JP is probably Pig, Alma and Bl3Y. That’s the way this bloug rolls!

  6. Pig Says:

    No I am not anyone else but I agree that Ellen sounds like the old Alma.

  7. Ellen Says:

    I am me. Ellen. I am very famous and am still very atractive to men. My only issue is that I am not married and I am already in my 30′s. So I need a man who will MARRY me so that we can have a FAMILY. What is so wrong with that? I was hopping that I could find a decent man on a law sight, but so far, there are ONLY creeps that want me to take my clothes off. Fooey on you men who do NOT reespect women like me with a JD degree and a member of the NY Bar. Fooey!

  8. Not a Lawyer Says:

    Ellen, let me offer some advice. Men love a woman who can spell and construct a sentence. Though some would say that a solid grasp of speaking the English language is a “nice to have” but not necessary for a man to want you to have his babies, proper grammar can be a huge turn-on! Boys, am I right?

    Oh and tell them how nice your tits are.

  9. Ellen Says:

    I have a beautiful body, but I am known for my JD and NY lawyer credentel. That is what I want alot of men to look at me for. I am very smart so stop trying to say I am not. Fooey on you. You are NOT even a lawyer, anyway. Fooey on you!

  10. JP Says:

    I think I figured out the problem here.

    We can all agree that Ellen has a certain way with spelling.

    I think she has a J.D. from NYLS, but spells it “NYU”.

    I think she also believes that because her J.D. is from NYC, it’s an “NY lawyer credential”.

  11. Ralph Says:

    My guess is she is a real lawyer in NY with a real job. I understand her issue is that no guy will marry her. Why? I say because she probably is a real beeotch that no guy in his right mind wants to share their lives with beyond 2 or 3 f***cks a week. I say who cares if she is educated, has a good job and is pretty, if she’s a beeotch. Women need to remember that guys are just not interested in listening to their whining and bitching, even if sex is in the cards at the end of the day, because there are plenty of pretty, exciting and women who are just as good in the sack without all of the f***cking attitude. Being pretty and smart and employed is not what is important to us guys. If women want to attract a man for marriage, they should learn to keep their mouths shut and hold their f***ing attitude until after they have married the man. I don’t think they teach you that in law school, but maybe they should, because once you’re married, you can probably squeeze enough snatch out of your husband in a divorce settlement to keep you and other pathetic 40+ year old divorcees to join the many packs of cougar jackals running rampant around town every weekend!

  12. Pig Says:

    Ellen may be a phenomenal looker, but unmarried women over 33 or 34 who have a screw loose.

    Its just not that hard to get married unless you’re like Ellen: her man must be taller than average, and good looking but not vain. He must be rich and able to effortlessly pay for a luxurious house in the better part of town, european vacations, and attend the right charity balls with undersatted but impressive donations. He must go with her to plays and parties; but he must not work too hard.

    He must be dedicated to his high-level and prestigious job, but he must come home early, not not work weekends.

    He must be popular but he must only look at her and may not bring home unsuitable friends who drink beer or dress poorly.

    He must be sensitive but not a weeny; tough and commanding but he must listen to her endless dithering without interrupting; lean and toned but not muscular or pudgy.

    He must have integrity and his politics must be acceptable, but he must have friends in high places.

    If he has affectations, they must be acceptable ones, like only wearing his Piaget (no horrible gross rolex) watch on his right wrist. No cowboy boots, or favorite old shirts. No unsettling politics.

    His family must be wealthy, comfortable, unobtrusive and pleasant, (exception for old man or woman who will leave millions), and there will be no talk of pre nups since he must be madly in love with ehr, enough to leave his family if she would ask.

    There must be no disruptive children till Ellen is ready.

    When the kids arrive, Ellen will proudly show that she barely gained any weight since she only had one martini a night, kept up her botox and she will give the kid to the nanny who has prepaed the children’s room.

    The nanny will feed them at night, clean up after their messy eating habits and read to the sqirming little monsters while she and (I think Chas or Harold) sip marinis or leave for one of those damn black tie parties.

    When the kids are older, the nanny will accompany them to early soccer games, sit with other parents, save seats at school plays in case Ellen arrives, help with homework and make a suitable, healthy lunch.

    Ellen, I suggest you take up with that lecherous senior partner while you have time. I think I’m going to wait for “Not A Lawyer” to be divorced.

  13. Nigel B Says:

    Pig, I hear you dude. All of us guys hear you. I think it is summed up with the following joke (which is actually pretty spot on):

    A boy is at school and he hears the older kids talking about pussy, and their bitch. The boy confused by this goes to his mother. “Mom”, the boy asks, “What’s a pussy?”
    The mother being startled by this thinks quick and finds the closest dictionary and opens it up to a picture of a cat and says “Son, that is a pussy.” the son then asks “What’s a bitch?” The mother again thinking quickly opens to a picture of a dog and says “Son, this is a bitch.”
    The son walks away still confused, and sees his father watching television. The son walks up to his father and says “Dad, what’s a pussy?” The father doesn’t want to miss the baseball game so he quickly whips out his Penthouse magazine to the centerfold, grabs a marker and draws a circle around the vagina and says “Son, this is a pussy!”
    The son, now starting to understand what the older boys are talking about asks “Then, what is a bitch?”
    The dad replies, “That’s everything outside the circle!”

  14. Not a Lawyer Says:

    Pig – I’m a little flattered!

    Ellen, no I am not a lawyer, and I’d love to tell you what I do, but you’d probably lez out on me, and that’s not my thing.

    I will tell you that I was accepted into a great law school, and then learned I was pregnant with my 2nd baby (woops). The rigorous schedule of a law student is not exactly synchronous with being the best mother I can be, so I went part time to get my MBA instead.

    You may be a lawyer, but I have a husband – a sexy one. Fooey back at you, hon.

  15. JP Says:

    Law student schedules are only rigorous if you attend class.

    Law *firm* schedules, however are very rigorous.

    Toddlers + law firm life = difficult.

    I’ll never forget when my child (age 9 months) splurted on a partner’s shoe at a corporate marketing/sports event (I brought my wife and not quite child along). That was funny.

    Although let that be a lesson to everyone to not take children who splurt to marketing events.

  16. Ellen Says:

    You see that so many women are always trying to bash me. It is to bad that they are jelous of my accomplishment as a NY lawyer who is still beautiful even tho I am alot over 30 now. But I remain hopful that I will find a man worthy of me, not someone who will just want sex, like the men who I have met at work and around the city. What is so wrong about wanting a decent man to marry me? I will follow the advise of my father who said that I will have to kiss alot of frogs before I find my prince. I do not mind that, but I will NOT have sex with these frogs.

  17. Not a Lawyer Says:

    Ellen I have no desire to bash fellow driven, successful women. It’s just that your posts remind me of a Nigerian prince that once contacted me through hotmail and asked me hold his money…….

  18. Pig Says:


    Love that story. I was in a meeting with Very Important Clients (the “we demand heel-clicking service and pay within 30 days on big matters needing more than 2 lawyers” kind) and my then 1.4 yr old barged in followed by my older kid who was “watching her” in my office. 1.4 needed a diaper change. “I couldn’t stop her” wailed the older one. So much for “I’ll take the kids” for a day. But things like that immunize you to a lot: kids screaming on a plane, for example, don’t bother me at all. Crabby people that frown at screaming kids need to remember those kids will be paying your social security one day.

    Ellen/Alma: tedious, tiresome and soo predictable. Beautiful, tempremental and erratic is what gets old Porsches and ferrari’s looked at and passed by. The ONLY appeal you have is that of a transient fling. No man but the most naive will pick up a live-in set of problems like yours with a claim to half his stuff. Much less entrust you with kids. Do you think Madame Curie whined on like you do? do you ever laugh? Listen to Not A Lawyer-she sounds so….normal in a good way.


  19. Frank Says:

    I don’t know about the rest of you, but I would be willing to take a chance with Ellen. There have been so many neurotic female lawyers out there, some of which are ugly as sin, so that if yet another one comes around that is decent looking, I would be willing to give her a chance.

    She does have the smarts as well as the earning capacity, and as long as she still is fertile, she could be worth the risk. Once she’s menopausal, she won’t have anything left for a guy. But assuming she’s still in her 30′s, she’s worth a shot.

    Ellen, if you are good for it, let me know. I too have a job in NYC and earn good money and have not found a decent female for companionship leading to marriage.

  20. Laura Says:

    I have been watching, for a while, and do not ascribe to all of Ellen’s philosophy. I believe that men and women should stand on their own, not rely on the other for emotional, financial or other support. However, I do agree that women should not sleep with men as a pre-condition to a relationship, because most men will say anything to get into a woman’s pants, then leave them for another woman after they are satisfied after a few weeks. I think women should stick together, and refuse men sex until after there is a true commitment from the man and the relationship is exclusive. Not necessarily engagement, but something more than a few weeks of knowing each other.

  21. JP Says:

    I propose auto-marriage and extreme limitations on divorce.

    That is to say, once you sleep with someone, you are automatically married to them.

    We will make divorce illegal except in cases of infidelity. The aggrieved party will be entitled to either alimony or palimony as punishment to the waward spouse. Any infidelity would automatically created a new marriage between the two new partners.

    Problem solved. The result? End of moral chaos.

    Next social problem that you need me to solve?

  22. Bill Says:

    No way, dude. You may not realize this, but this would prevent anyone from test driving the putative spouse. No one wants to be chained to a broad (or a dude) if the parts don’t work right! I say free banging for a year before anyone is forced to sh***it or get off the pot. The guys will like it because they get free access for a year, and the broads will like it because the amount of free banging is capped at a year. After a year, the parties are free to move along to another person to bang for a year.

  23. JP Says:

    Bill, that’s the ancient Irish idea of annual renewable marriage. You’re just recycling iron age social mores.

    I already considered and discarded it.

    What we need are some new ideas for the coming Neo-Victorian Age.

  24. Not a Lawyer Says:

    JP, I shudder to think at what my life would be like had your proposal been in place when I was 21……yikes.

    Laura, I’m on board with egalitarian relationships and all, but at the end of the day, if you truly love someone and want to build a life with them, there will always be dependencies. How can you budget without some reliance on your partner’s financial contribution? And emotionally? Laura, that’s the fun part! Who’s going to be there with a hug when you’ve had a crap day and are in the pit of your career? Who’s going to give you the congratulatory slap on the ass when you get promoted? Your husband.

  25. JP Says:

    We also need to make sure that the idea of the legal unity of the spouses is brought back.

    That is to say, that, under the eyes of the law, the couple is one legal unit, with complete merger of legal identity and assets. No indivual bank accounts. No indivual property. No indiviual e-mail accounts. No indivual cell phone accounts. You get the idea. When you get paid, the couple gets paid. No more “hide the ball”.

    This will elimiate the need for divorce to correct financial and informational power imbalances.

    Egalitarianism in conjunction with Neo-Victorianism.

  26. Not a Lawyer Says:

    You crossed the line with the accounts, JP. I don’t need any flak for what I spend on shoes and make-up. Some things are just better done separately. Yes, he can read my email. My Neimans bill? Oh hell no.

  27. JP Says:

    You can’t be married to an engineer, then, Not a Lawyer.

    Engineers, such as my brother-in-law, would be able to tell you the precise percentage of household expenditures that were dedicated to the distinct sub-categories of shoes and make-up.

    In fact, the sub-categories might be further separated into sub-sub-categories, such as lipstick and eyeliner, depending on the engineer in question.

    In my household, on the other hand, the checkbook hasn’t actually been balanced. Ever.

  28. Bill Says:

    Thanks, but I can’t agree with JP. I want to stick with the 1 year free try and buy boning exercise with a babe, and I think they would agree. Call me a reactionary, but I think this could really work! Women who are with me are happy to be getting it from me with no diseases. If they live up to their billing, who knows, maybe we’ll settle down and marry after a year, but if it is not to be, then we both move on to others to try over again. I think eventually I will tire of the variety and settle down, but why go for a whiner early and be stuck with her when there are other babes willing to please without all the whining.

  29. Not a Lawyer Says:

    Bill – isn’t this serial monogamy? I mean, isn’t that what we’re kind of doing anyway? You concept of “free access” = dating, correct?

    Just don’t forget that she may be the one that wants to move on if your sack skills fall short!

  30. Not a Lawyer Says:

    Oh and JP – you’re absolutley right about the engineers! Being the daughter, neice and sister of engineers, I rebelled and married an IT guy that couldn’t care less about my shoes or what I spend on them. I’m the only analyst in this house, and that’s the way I like it.

  31. JP Says:

    So, NAL, does this mean that you have prepared various shoe algorithms to maximize variety and minimze closet space?

    Bill is just grouchy that he wouldn’t actually *be* married under my legal structure.

    My sysem solves the problem of serial monogamy by placing financial disincentives in it’s path. It also encourages and supports family formation. In addition, it completely solves the problem of unwed mothers.

    I like to think of it as a win-win.

  32. Ellen Says:

    I have JUST finished my tax returns and think I would pay alot less taxes if if was MARRIED. But that does NOT mean I will marry just any schlub. My father told me that I am a very good catch and not to marry just anyone. He told me that I would have to kiss alot of frogs before I met my prince. I do not mind KISSING the frogs, it is just that these ugly frogs also want sex, and I absolutely refuse to have sex with these frogs to see if they are marriage material. I want a relationship, not sex. What is so wrong about that?

  33. JP Says:

    I just saw an automatic Internat ad for “Thinning Hair.” It was a picture of a woman with a tear streaming down her face, with the ad asking “Do you have Thinning Hair”?

    I know what everyone here is thinking. What does this have to do with anything?

    What it means is that the housing bubble isn’t coming back anytime soon and the real money will be made playing to the insecurities of a rapidly aging population (meaing rapidly aging 20-somethings, who are well on their way to the dustbin of their 30s) rather that flipping houses.

    So, BL1Y commenteers, what do you think?

  34. Bill Says:

    JP, you may be right, but who gives a gosh darn. I don’t have enough money to buy a decent home, even in this so-called depressed market. If you read the NY Times, you can see that in China, men without real estate won’t even be looked at by the women, and since there are so many more men than women over there, even a successful dude will never get pussy unless he owns real estate. I have to feel sorry for those dudes. The women really have the edge. Even the ugly ones can be picky and they are. Personally, I’d rather become a monk than bang some fat ugly chinese woman who looks like a mule, but I guess the guys over there will F***uck anything that moves! My sympathies to those douches!

  35. Not a Lawyer Says:

    I hadn’t thought of it that way until now, JP. Any girl that’s ever been through a department store knows the whole “insult their face to make them buy your make-up” trick. But maybe the housing bubble sent mortgage brokers and investors into other industries?

    There has always and will always be a segment of marketing/sales professionals who will do or say anything to make the sale. And a lot of those douches who made their way into the mortgage loan brokerage business, are now branching out (car sales, medical recruiting – yes, it’s sales, and it’s big in my area for some reason, and my favorite, the old “modification representatiive” which means you can pay the $1500 to the same asshole who sold you a negatively ammortizing pay option ARM loan to call the companty for you and retain a service that is actually free.)

    And Ellen: Keep whining a lot and refuse to put out. That’s EXACTLY how to get a husband. You’re doing great girl, keep it up.

  36. JP Says:

    I don’t know, Not a Lawyer, the not putting out might enable Ellen to attract people like I was back in the day (college).

    When I was younger and much more conservative/reactionary (mid 1990s), I tended to view people who had premarital sex with disdain/contempt, and would express this to them. Being that if you had sex outside of marriage, you were evil. Like an alcoholic or murderer. I chewed out one of my friends for this once. In hindsight, this was probably not one of my better ideas. Granted I did date *one* woman who wasn’t a virgin, but that was an odd experience. Go puritianism!

    I knew how things were supposed to work! Dating —-> Marriage —–> Sex ——> Kids!

    At least I wasn’t a religious fundamentalist. Just a moralist fundamentalist. The religious fundamentalists kept trying to convert me, but I was unconvertable.

    So, Ellen’s approach does have *some* merit. If she could get right of the whinyness. And if she was a real person instead of a BL1Y troll.

  37. Pig Says:

    JP: the golden rule of pre marital sex: A great woman puts out for you whenever and however, but is loyal to you and you her till a breakup; a slut puts out for everyone but you. Its not that some women are too easy: its that they’re too easy with too many.

  38. Not a Lawyer Says:

    There was a time that I thought I was saving myself for marriage, but I discovered at 19 that I was actually saving myself for college.

    Excellent point JP: I’m not entirely sure that Ellen is a woman.

  39. JP Says:

    Ah, college. Worst five years of my life. As I like to day, I wouldn’t wish college on anyone.

    Law school and working in a largish law firm were better overall experiences. And that’s saying something. They were more like being in purgatorty, while college was hell.

    Although women did periodically fling themselves at me. My mistake was dating them. One of them followed me to law school. That was somewhat unsettling.

  40. Anonymous Says:

    JP, you must have been a real catch for some dame to follow you to law school!

  41. Ellen Says:

    I went to a friend’s mom’s Passover Sader yesterday. Now I am so full and am at my desk already. There was alot of food, and I am probabley about 5 pounds over weight. I don’t know how peeple stay thin when they have to much food to eat. There were no eligible men there — all were married or engaged– so I am also a little depressed.

  42. JP's Dad Says:

    But your spelling has improved, Ellen, and that’s no small thing. But I tire of seeing you avoid the obvious, so allow me to illuminate. You won’t find marriage minded men unless you look in the right places.

    For Marriage
    -avoid bars, especially those haunted by the young and beautiful, since they’re all having to much fun to get married and have no jobs. The girls there are also far more likely to put out than you seem to be.

    -avoid young men since they are marriage averse, based on divorce-horror stories they have heard;

    -the best marriage material are older men, not in ther 40′s (they already have families and will be broke if they divorce), but even older than that–50+ men who have paid off their ex wives and are now rebuilding. They are just the type to fancy your alleged beauty and youth and won’t mind having a heart attack during sex if you are appealling anough. Presto! you get the life isurance and they go out ina way they and their descedants can be proud of.

    –older men are easy marks: just tell them you think you’re being followed and hold their arm: they won’t believe their luck and will need some prodding, but if you act vulnerable, they’ll invite you back to their place. If sex is good enough, they’ll never let you leave. Or ask advice you don’t need at a store.

  43. Ellen Says:

    I want love, I want ROMANCE, I want a real man who will open doors for me and provide for our family. My dad says their is NOTHING wrong with that, and that I am NOT asking for to much.

    I learned yesterday that Bitter is coming back. That will be great because mabye I will find a man who is what I am looking for.

  44. JP Says:

    So you want a bitter lawyer for a husband.

    That’s definitely not asking for too much.

  45. JP's Dad Says:

    Ellen: no kidding! BL back? When? I miss Guano and the crew. And you can be Alma again! BL1Y say its true!

    On the issue of romance: the older man in his 50′s will romance you the way you want to be romanced: it just won’t be by the young, callow person you keep hoping will send you notes, open your doors and value you above all else. Why should he? He has more choices than me. You see, I’d value you like an oasis in a desert for the obvious reason he won’t. He has lots of oasi to drink from. So go make a pass at your senior partner: he’ll be besotted in 20 minutes. He’ll fawn all over you. And he has money!

  46. Ellen Says:

    No ofence, but I do not want a man who can be my father. If I was to get romantic, I would be thinking of my father naked, and that is not apetizzing to me. I like to be treated by a lady, but not like his child. Isn’t there a younger guy with money that can marry me and be a father to our children? I need to have a family soon before I hit 40.

  47. Anonymous Says:

    ladies, this one is 4 u…………

    Q. Why are women like Kentucky Fried Chicken?

    A. After you’ve finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

  48. JP's Dad Says:

    ellen, ellen: I am not hitting on you: I am already enjoying a woman your age.

    Most men your age have zero interest in tethering themselves to one woman who will eventually sue them for everything, plus spousal support (and non-deductible child support). Look at that Anonymous comment right after yours: that’s what alot of guys your age think. Don’t blame them: blame those generous judges in the family courts. Blame NOW (they oppose joint custody whenever they can).

    Submitting to that senior partner will do wonders for you. He’ll support you. He’ll romance you. You’ll be able to quit work. All you have to do is give yourself to a successful older man. The alternative: spend 5 years with a younger man who doesn’t want kids or marriage and you’ll be too old to attract anyone.

    Think how much fun it will be to stare down his older children who were waiting for him to croak!

    Don’t wait. Good looks fade. If you don’t act soon, you’ll be home with cats and knitting needles.

  49. Ellen Says:

    I want a FAMILY. And the senior partner already has a family with kids in colege.

    If I were to start a relationship with the Senior Partner, and MARRY him, I could I be assured that he would be interested in having a family with ME?

    Since he already has a family, what chance would there be for him to want to have children with ME?

    I do NOT want to be a single mom. I want a HUSBAND and a FATHER to OUR children. Is that to much to ask?

  50. JP Says:

    If you use my father’s actual strategy (after your wife dies), it would be to start dating, cut off your children financially, have a stroke, get remarried, pour all of your money into the marriage, and then get divorced,, leaving you with limited financial resources, and then move into a small townhouse.

    I don’t think that’s quite what Ellen wants.

  51. Anonymous Says:

    Two condoms were walking past a Gay bar.

    One looks at the other and says…

    “You wanna go in and get shit faced? “

  52. JP's Dad Says:

    Ellen, cobwebs are gathering over your life while you wait for the Perfect Man. You haven’t found him yet have you? Everyone your age is not rich enough, not sufficiently good looking, or they are both rich and hot but don’t want to marry.

    If you had the appeal Not A Lawyer has, you’d be married by now, shopping at Neiman, driving a Porsche and have a bunch of kids. You’re not. And you won’t be if you don’t act soon.

    So what to do?

    If you want a FAMILY, a man that already has one is likely to want another with the right woman.

    If you are attractive, intellectually appealing and preferable to his nagging, overweight wife, an older guy will probably divorce her and marry you but you have to push it or he’ll simply enjoy both worlds without acting to end his marriage.

    He’ll want more kids and all you have to do is compliment his virility enough, and he’ll want three. Have him set up some life insurance for you. Get some jewlry. enjoy life.

    If he senior partner isn’t the man, look for older guys and make a play for them.

    Sitting primly minding your dignity will make you old and poor.

    The key thing for you is to get married, get some rights to spousal support, meet more people ata country club, and then, when he’s acting like an old car that’s in the shop all the time, move out and remarry.

  53. Not a Lawyer Says:

    Oh Ellen,

    Now I KNOW you must be a man because we all know there is nothing hotter then a stable, single, financially responsible 40-year-old man, and they’re EVERYWHERE.

    The very idea of procreating with a man in this category is practically instinctual to us as smart, working women, because:
    1) they are able-bodied and strong enough to help us parent and
    2) secure enough for us to be comfortable about our financial future as a couple.

    That’s why these bachelor’s get the pick of the “litter” of succcessful younger women. So Ellen, if you’re pushing 40, and put off by an older man, you’d better look like Demi Moore, or re-think your expectations.

  54. Anonymous Says:

    Leave Ellen alone.

    Why would she want to permit one or more guys to spurt their splooge all over the place just so that she could have a chance at a husband? She obviously values love over sex and that is admirable.

    I say more power to her. Go Ellen Go!

  55. Alma Federer Says:

    I concur.

  56. Son of Guano Says:

    Alma! You’re back! I’ve been pining away waiting for you to come to your senses and move to California! I you move now I won’t tell Guano where you are.

    Forget about Ellen: she’s a narcissistic loser with no more conception of real love than a PhD has of what it takes to really run a business.

    She is no better looking, no smarter and is seemingly possesses much less real intellect than any other well-dressed attarctive woman I could pluck from a law or accounting firm. She stands as much chance of landing a real man, as the goateed, coffee house intellectual in his 40′s has of writing the next big screenplay.

    But I have a question: first for Not a Lawyer: if you were “Ellen,” where would you go and how would you pick up a guy (or get him to pick you up)?

    Second for JP: just what do you think Ellen’s options are? I mean don’t you agree that she needs to let her hair down, stop using a white glove on prospectibve men, go home with some man from the polo match instead of going home to her sister and cats, and put out a bit in an effort to find someone who will love her?

    Men aren’t like that are they? I mean they don’t hold out for perfection?

  57. Not a Lawyer Says:

    I met my husband at a restaturant bar when I was at an age that meeting in bars was acceptable.
    If I were to look for a partner NOW, first and foremost, always look good. No excuses. Push the girls up, brush your hair, and wear some make-up. You never know, you may meet a guy running errands.

    I’d check out some running and cycling clubs, where a group of people train together for races or triathalons. The guys are usually hot and single, and achieving fitness goals together truly is a bonding experience.

    If that didn’t work, I’d look into professional organizations and attend the social functions.

    If THAT didn’t work, join a social club for singles or a website matchmaking service, like EHarmony.

    And if THAT didn’t work, put on some heels, a push-up bran, and hit a swanky bar. (okay okay, I’m kidding. Do this, but just for fun, not to find a husband.)

    After all that, there’s no way I wouldn’t have found someone who doesn’t repulse me.

  58. JP Says:

    Ellen’s primary problem is that he’s an unattractive BL1Y troll.

    First, Ellen needs to get a sex change operation. Once she appears biologically female, that will help her meet straight men. Plastic surgery is a must to adjust her currently masculine face.

    She should also change the notation on her birth certificate from “Male” to “Female” to cover her tracks.

    After that, whatever Not a Lawyer said.

  59. Anonymous Says:

    Let’s get some fresh material BL1Y. I am growing weary of JP trying to nuzzle up to these women.

  60. Pig Says:

    Agree on need for new content, but BL1Y is probably dodging tornadoes right now. Not only Tusculoosa but N Birmingham, I hear, was badly hit. I went into a cleaners to drop some shirts this morning and its all over CNN and Fox. Even the LA Times reported it which is a major event since the LA Times has almost no news anymore (it just howls for higher taxes). Hang in there BL1Y!.

  61. JP Says:

    24 hour news coverage of tornadoes here in NC, too. What a fiasco.

  62. Ellen Says:

    Yes, stay safe, BL1Y. I am watching the royal wedding and am very happy and sad. I know that I am never going to MARRY into royalty, but I just want someone nice who will love, honor and cherish me and our children. That is NOT to much to ask. Katherine Middleton does not have a JD but she has class. I have both, so I should also get married soon.

  63. Bill Says:

    Ellen, this may come as a surprise to you, but Kate was not a virgin, and I’ve heard she had some pretty good experience in addition to Prince William.

    So don’t think that growing cobwebs in your nether regions will make you attractive to a guy. Yes, we like a tight twat, but that can be accomplished with Kegel exercises, even if you have been with men.

  64. Anonymous Says:

    Alma, this one made me think of you (the wide receiver)

    The pro quarterback was petitioning the court to have his recent marriage annulled. “On what grounds? ” questioned the Judge, “This court does not take annulments lightly. ” “Non-virginity,” replied the quarterback, “When I married her, I thought I was getting a tight end, but instead, I found that I had married a wide receiver. “

  65. Strenuous Objector Says:

    I can’t believe the rambling went on for so long. Ellen obviously either doesn’t understand basic male interaction or flat out ignores how people realistically go about getting a husband or wife. That’s probably why her (and Alma) are still single. I mean they may be “attractive” and “successful” (in loose terms) but the fact they play to the relationship extremes of either all sex or no sex is why they haven’t boarded the wedding express thus far.

  66. Dude Says:

    I keep reading about Ellen, but have never seen a picture. Can someone post a link to a picture of her.

    I think that if she is really an employed NYC attorney, she would have been married by now if she were half-way attractive. I’ve met so many hideous women lawyers wearing wedding rings in NYC that it is not even funny.

    I keep saying to myself that there is not enough Ketel One for me to even want to bang these women and some schnook actually was sober enough to walk down the aisle with these dogs?

    I say put up or shut up already. I say she ain’t no Faye Ray!

    Get us a picture please!

  67. Strenuous Objector Says:

    Well as they say, pic or never happened

  68. Ellen Says:

    Ok boys. Here I AM.

    No joeks PLEASE.

  69. Strenuous Objector Says:

    That explains everything.

  70. Bill Says:

    The picture is hilarious, but I think Ellen is real. She was on the ABA website last year I think and made a real hit. Someone said she was attractive, tho I would not hump any broad site unseen. Trust me, she ain’t no Blake Lively.

  71. Alma Federer Says:

    Who are YOU to judge? Are YOU a BRAD PITT? I do not think so. I recommend to all women to withhold sex from all men who look at us as mere sex objects.

    If all women kept their knees together for one week (until May 12), all men would literally come to their knees and give us what women want and need; i.e. the same respect that men demand every day.

    Does any one else agree with me? Wouldn’t men learn if they did not have access to our vulvas, even for only a week?

  72. Strenuous Objector Says:

    As bl1y posted previously, women want sex too. So I hope no man would fall for these lame “withhold sex from men” arguments. First, I don’t know about other guys, but I know I wouldn’t die from one week without sex. The main strength by withholding something is that it’s needed, and I love sex, but I can live without it (for at least a short period of time). Every guy has gone through slow periods and has made it out (mostly) alive. Second, would a guy really want a girl who plays such an obvious game? These girls end up being the same girls that call you late at night saying they’re going to kill themselves if you don’t come over so, hey, take the withholding as a sign of future psycho tendencies. Third, not being Brad Pitt doesn’t mean I can’t call other people ugly, it just means other people might not think I’m attractive either. The lack of a trait does not qualify the lack of opinion about it. By that line of thinking you’re saying fat people can only be evaluated other fat people or tall people by other tall people which is obviously incorrect.

  73. Not a Lawyer Says:

    Ellen – I’m guessing you don’t have any married friends either because you don’t seem to have any clue how men and women truly interact. Or you’re a man….jury’s still out.

    And just like classy rich people don’t constantly advertise how rich they are, a truly HOT woman (or man) wouldn’t constantly advertise her hotness on a blog forum. If you were classy, hot and smart, you wouldn’t be posting it over and over. Methinks you must have a penis.

    No sex for a week? It’s Mothers day weekend! Mom’s all over the country will be in post-coital smiling bliss at their Sunday brunches. Thanks for the giggle though!

  74. Pig Says:

    Alma, if you are as good looking as you claim to be, at least as smart as Not A Lawyer, sleep with me, act like a proper girlfriend, be nice to my kids, leave me in peace when the news is on, and make wholly undeserved flattering comments about my sexual prowess whan we are at parties (e.g., “Pig is just insatieable and I would push him away if he weren’t so damn good,”), or (“the one thing I neevr expected with Pig when we got together is that he was so bloody good with that pig piece of his”) I will totally respect you as a woman. You can even interrupt during the news.

    I will then know that you are not shallow about looks, will be devoted to a man, will submerge your own needs periodically, and might be marriage material. But then most men would fall over themselves to keep such a woman.


  75. Pig Says:

    oops. sorry. “big” piece not pig piece.

  76. JP Says:

    I think BL1Y has abandoned this blog the gentle caress of Ellen and Alma.

    Also, there is another possibility other than male and female for BL1Y trolls.

    There is also the third gender.

    Never forget the third gender.

  77. Bill Says:

    I think BL1Y is getting it elsewhere, and possibly giving it to some other fairly homely broads down South.

    What is the “third gender” JP? I shudder to ask!

  78. Mike Says:

    Ellen and Alma are clearly made up characters. It is ridiculously obvious. Carry on though. You guys seem to be having fun, so not looking to rain on the parade.

  79. Ellen Says:

    Your nuts. I have been real since I was concieved over 30 years ago by my father and my mother. I went to law school, got a JD, and am ganefully employed as an attorney and member of the NY Bar. That is hardley made up. My father wants me to marry a guy who will adore me and so far I have not found anyone good enough. Why would I make that up? If I was abel to get Alan to stay away from the bottle, he would have been a suitable mate, but that did NOT work out. I am not happy about that because he led me on. Now all I want is to do my job and mabye find a guy who is worthwhile, but I am having my doubts as most men just want to get me into bed with them. That is not my idea of romance. I do not want just sex. That is gross. I want romance. What is wrong with that? I am not making that up. Now mabye BL1Y will put out a new subject so that everyone will stop focusing on me and my issues.

  80. Mike Says:

    Like I said, didn’t mean to put a stop to the fun. I was just stating the obvious.

  81. Not a Lawyer Says:

    Way to go, Mike. Now you’ve gone and pissed off Ellen. Now we have to hear all about his lucious breasts and adoring boss all over again!

  82. Pig Says:

    So lets meet at a remote manison, hire a butler/ maid (the maid has to dress like a maid), serve a fabulous dinner. When Ellen fails to make it out alive, tape the police interviews and sell them to CBS:

    Bill: “She was just a broad. I wouldn’t have done her no way”

    JP: “I only nuzzled her! I can’t do more after my..injury.”

    Detective: “What about you? Yes you. ”

    “Strenuous Objector: “OK, I did it with her. But women want sex too!”

    Not a Lawyer: “But ellen was a man!”

    Strenuous: “A man? Agh…gag…”

    Detective: “So Not A Lawyer, you knew Ellen was a man? How many times did you sleep with her?”

    Not A Lawyer: “Ellen’s only man was on the bottle and she was lonely. She had no idea of how men and women relate. I tried to help. But transient ectasy is not for me. I was doing my Neiman bill. Besides, I’m married.”

    JP: “See if Not A Lawyer has any scratches. Make her disrobe.”

    Mike: “She’s just a broad too.”

  83. Bill Says:

    Pig’s got it down pretty good. But I don’t see any reference to the other loudmouth broad on this website.

    Also I don’t think any one will be making a bee-line for Alma’s twat. I’ll bet she’s a screamer in the sack, but no one will ever know because no one wants to take a chance with her in bed.

  84. Strenuous Objector Says:

    Somehow it appears my persona lacks basic investigative and observation skills if it couldn’t tell Ellen’s probably a guy.

  85. Alma Federer Says:

    It’s May 12, and, as promised last week, I have not offered my vulva to any man.

    I hope other women have followed my lead. Only in this way can we be assured the men will fall into line and not get too uppity when it comes to treating us right.

  86. Strenuous Objector Says:

    What real woman calls it her vuvla. I feel like you’re telling me no one drove your ugly new Volvo.

  87. Not a Lawyer Says:

    Don’t worry Strenuous Objector, you weren’t looking at Ellen’s face, I’m sure. And he tucks it waaaaay back there. It could have been anyone’s mistake.

    And congrats on the week of celibacy, Alma! I’m guessing that was a win-win for both you and your potential partners. YAY.

  88. Pig Says:

    Alma, I’ll invite Guano Dubango to sit with you and your vulva.

  89. Pig Says:

    If we’re all done talking about the boy-girl, Ellen, I have more important issues:

    Did Osama wear briefs or boxers?

    Does anyone have access to the racy Pippa video that I have heard about but not yet seen?

    Is it just me, or has the British royal family taken on a whole new lawyer of cool? I mean Prince “you americans eat too much beef” and “excuse me while i fly my private jet to a global warming conference” Charles seems so ….tedious and old now.

    Did anyone here really like Princess Diana? I am no Prince Charles fan, but i thought their queen had a lot more class than Diana and frankly, acted like an adult. She sang the national anthem too on 9-11: what other head of state type did that?

    Is tri-gendered Bl1y buried under some old food wrappers? Or is he mad at us for making fun of Ellen? He’s not producing at BL either I see.

    If Not a Lawyer isn’t a Lawyer, what is she?

    If Chris Christie runs and wins, will he have photo op meetings in those little ornamental chairs like Obama does?

    These are the things I want to discuss from now on. No more Ellen. (unless she posts a real photo)

  90. Bill Says:

    Pig, this is not your blog, and btw, who the heck is Guano Debango?

  91. pig Says:

    But i am tired of Ellen and her vulva being the center of things.

    If Osama wore briefs not boxers, that explains his green pallor in photos and is a heads up call to haynes wearers everywhere (i wear silk boxers). All the men here, ellen included, probably want to see the Pippa tape. Where IS Bl1y?

    Guano Dubango was on another site and panted shamelessly after Alma, begging to inseminate her if only she’d wash his camel with goat butter. He was tiresome but good natured. He would talk to ellen and alma all night at the mansion dinner i want to set up.

  92. Strenuous Objector Says:

    Guano, Ellen, and Alma are obviously trolls in the Trolls 2 sense. I wouldn’t mind finding the Pippa video either, “wonder search powers…activate.” BL1Y has I believe been focused on constitutionaldaily so here dies another blog. Not a lawyer is probably a lawyer in disguise, and if not then she’s probably hotter than law hot. And Osama taught us that only rednecks can run around in briefs and live.

  93. Not a Lawyer Says:

    But Bill, Pig has a point. Okay Pig – here goes:

    Osama went commando. No doubt.

    I haven’t seen a Pippa video but I did see the picture of her dancing in her bra. She’s beautiful – if I had her body, I’d never wear clothes.

    Yep – prince William is cool again. He melted my heart when he saw his bride and said, “You look beautiful”. (I’m easy like that – most of us are).

    I did love Diana. She, unlike the Royal family, who are actually German, was the quintessential English Lady. Beautiful, with great taste, and she was a humanitarian. She also gave birth to the hottest royals in the Uk at this point. What’s not to love?

    Maybe BL1Y is Ellen? I wonder myself why I keep coming back here to see what you knuckleheads are saying. I say this with love.

    I’m in banking. I was concerned that “you-know-who” would lez out on me if she knew. I gave up law school for motherhood and business school. No regrets.

    Chris Christie in the chair? Gosh, I sure hope so. I’d do him….

  94. Ellen Says:

    I will NEVER understand why every man always has to objectify me. It can’t be because I am pretty, b/c other women are also pretty, and it CANT be because of my beautifel body, b/c other women also have nice bodies. I think they OBJECTIFY me because I do not stand up to them.

    I think other women also do NOT help me because they like to BASH me. I do NOT bash other women, so why do they feel that they can bash ME?

    If I didn’t have a job, and did not like the work I do, I would just stop posting. And I am NOT BL1Y. He is from the SOUTH and I am NOT. I am from NY and DC. That is NOT the South. I think he went to NYU, but I did NOT. Fooey on this.

  95. JP Says:

    I wish I had gone into banking rather than law.

    I get bored most of the time, so the bursting housing bubble and associated implosion in the financial sector was great fun.

    I also wish I had gotten a Harvard MBA rather than my Duke Law degree.

    During 2008 (the last year I got reasonable fiancial returns on my speculative investments), I was really hoping that BAC and C bondholders would be destroyed. Sadly, the Fed bailed them out.

    Now I think I’m going to shift my attention over to the student loan fiasco.

    BL1Y is not Ellen. He told her to quite commenting on ConDaily.

  96. Alma Federer Says:

    There is no way will offer my body to any man interested in a short-term relationship. I sympathize with Ellen, and renew my call for all women to have a one week moratorium on all sex with men who have not committed to them. Even married women should join in our pledge if they have any reason to suspect their husbands are having sex outside of the home.

    I suggest we start the moratorium just before the long Memorial Day weekend. That is when men start drinking heavily for the summer, and feel they are invincible. If they find out they are not going to get any sex, they will think twice. I guarantee that after a week, they will capitulate, and swear loyalty to us.

  97. pig Says:

    jp: most of my friends doing transactional work are bored. The ones doing trials aren’t. but maybe you should ditch the whole law thing and go into business for yourself. A man made 120,000 in 48 hours selling osama t shirts after the raid this month. People make a killing just selling bottled water at events. Nothing is more satisfying, than to have people want what you’re selling–o fulfill a need–except perhaps putting tape over Alma’s mouth at the Mansion dinner i want to have.

    Alma: i will buy you a tube of super glue for your legs if you”ll just be quiet or at least come up with something new to whine about.

  98. Alma Federer Says:

    Like I would ever date (or have sex with) a guy who’s name is Pig! There are a lot of men wanting to date me, and I can have my fill of men, but again, I will not date a man who merely wants to have sex with me. End of story. Sorry. No sex for men who objectivize me.

  99. Pig Says:

    Alma are you blind, deaf and illiterate as well as a world-class narcissist? I DON’T want to do anything with you except to tape your mouth closed. Go home and play with your Barbies.

  100. Pig Says:

    I just wanted to be #100 with this one.

  101. Not a Lawyer Says:

    “I sympathize with Ellen, and renew my call for all women to have a one week moratorium on all sex with men who have not committed to them.”

    Alma darling, do you think this is the right audience to inspire female celibacy? Is this your call to action? You need to work on that, love.

    Also, I like many others will be buzzed and sunburnt in my pool in my new ‘kini. No way is this a celibate weekend.

  102. Strenuous Objector Says:

    Well I’d have to agree, the audience is pretty male dominated. Then again, that may just fuel Alma’s cries for attention because blawgs are just as male dominated as the real world, where her celibacy would never work.

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