Return of Legal Reasoning

Most of the readers here probably found their way through my list of 50 Reasons Not to Go to Law School, and the accompanying 2 good reasons challenge.

Now that series is back, relaunched and remastered at Constitutional Daily. You can read the first in the new (well, new to some people) series here: Legal Reasoning Redux #1.

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79 Responses to “Return of Legal Reasoning”

  1. Hank Says:

    Hey, check the hyperlink, dude– It’s now going over to the Namby Pamby’s piece, not yours. I want to know whether to go to law school.

  2. Pig Says:

    I want some different topics. Who in their right mind wants to argue with the “don’t go to law school” meme?

    I would not push kids to go to law school now: I was as the first lawyer in the family and it was a step up from being a dirt farmer , but now i think kids should leverage a parent’s legal stability to go and be somehting more fun and profitable-whatever it is. A congressional tweet monitor perhaps.

    Hank or JP probably wants to know if wome have an edge in this down maket, like I read attractive women had in rent controlled NY in WWII.

    I want to know if work is being outsourced to China. I may want to pay for Alma or Ellen to be outsourced there to. But more to the point, what do we all do when a clinet send all its drating to china? hen all depositions are done by some anonymous lawyer in China woking for 400 a month?

    Did Ellen find her convertible note? Where? Is a aprtner still looking down her blouse? Did she get a more respectable one, or she still dressing legal slut?

    These are the key issues here.

    Someone has to compensate for BL1Y’s total indifference to us: we want excitement! He gives another warmed over “why not to go to law school” piece so boring Alma hasn’t commenetd, Ellen probably passed out with her Grey Goose when she read it. Even Bill didn’t post something like “broads shouldn’t go to law school.”.

    Its like being in ddriver’s ed 50th “don’t speed,” film. Listening to Al Gore hector me on why I shouldn’t take a hot shower before he leaves on his private jet. Or a CEO calling from the links insisting that US workers are lazy. I appear to listen but inside I am thinking “yeah, yeah.”

    So Hank, JP, go out to a bar and ask people what they think of lawyers: report.

    Not A Lawyer, please ask some women under 30 what they think: if chosing between 3 equal men, one a banker, one a doctor and one a lawyer, which gets picked? A lawyers the good bets they used to be?

  3. Not a Lawyer Says:

    I sent an email to some of my college girlfriends and posed your questions. We’ll see. I’m way too busy following Weinergate to analyze the “to go or not to go” right now.

    Besides, bankers are assholes.

  4. Not a Lawyer Says:

    Okay, they responded. And I’m pleasantly surprised that no one said anything dirty. These women are: A special ed teacher, a CPA, a lawyer, an asset manager and in B2B sales. 2 are my sorority sisters. 2 are my neighbors, and 1 colleague. Ages 30 – 36.

    Sales – “Doctor, though the hours would suck.”
    (Me: Yes, and all of that “on call” stuff would interfere with our drinking! She happens to be married to a dbag finance guy. Remember what I said about the Governator? He’s one of those guys.)

    CPA – “hmmm, the banker, then the lawyer, then the doctor.”
    (Me: She wants them all. Typical. She’s still single, and my favorite of all.)

    Teacher – “Lawyer – you know I love to argue.”
    (Me: she does, in a sophisticated, politial sparring kind of way. She’s been living with her college boyfriend for years. She’s very bright and a mother earth incarnate.)

    Lawyer – “The pool boy”
    (Me: This friend says she’d NEVER encourage her kids to go to law school, and that I practically dodged a bullet by getting knocked up. She’s married to a commodities trader, and ironcially does not have a pool.)

    Hedge Fund Asset Manager – “Doctor! Lawyers are too much like me and most are dicks. Bankers didn’t have to work for it.”
    (Me: She’s married to a doctor. Go figure.)

  5. Alma Federer Says:

    Weiner or Wiener or what ever he is. How could he show a picture of his weenie to the world and think it would not leak out?

  6. JP Says:

    I’ll check with four specific people. A geologist, a database administrator, a manager of youth correctional facilities, and a professional Thomas Jefferson. (Ages 35-40)

    In other news, my investment position has recovered from the thrashing I took from QEII. It took my 5 year rate of return to 0%! Really annoying.
    I’ve recovered about half in the last four months.

  7. JP Says:

    My wife keeps encouraging me to either go to med school or get a Ph.D. in chemistry.

    I don’t feel like taking any more classes. Although I have 4 credits left to finish my med school prerequisites. I keep telling her that I need a Harvard MBA. She doesn’t believe me.

    I’m content representing the ostensibly disabled at the moment. This job has convinced me that psychology is in fact a useful profession. I didn’t realize that the world was full of such unique people.

  8. Pig Says:

    I too am mesmerized by the story of the Turgid Tweeter, and I am dying for his wife to get back to see what happens. I don’t want to see any of the photos with him supposedly in tights and a cape though.

    Interesting that to your friends, lawyers are almost a “settling” choice, except with a teacher who (oh terrific) wants to argue.

    Pretty sad rating for lawyers: bad enough we are second raters here in Los Angeles (producers and directors appear to attract not only attractive gullible people off the bus but some attractive determiend people who want to make a go of entertainment). (I dismiss them all as delusional waitresses who will be mopping up the Dairy Queen at age 50 still hoping for the casting call)

    But to come in after doctors —people like the weird science teacher on Fast Times and Ridgemont High–with lingering formaldhyde odor and potentially unlimited supplies of fentanyl to do you in if they don’t like you- -is a sad comment on the state of lawyer TV shows.

    Doctors used to be depicted as dull, dependable middle aged people. But the networks have made them look cool (that damn Grey’s anatomy) and have slipped on holding up our image.

    (Let me guess: Kappa Kappa Gamma or Theta…?)

    And interesting about the CPA: CPA’s/accountants have been my favorite as people to date–women CPA’s that is. seem to be a bit more grounded and have an “extra dimension”–hard to describe but it was there.

  9. JP Says:

    Pig says:

    “But more to the point, what do we all do when a clinet send all its drating to china? hen all depositions are done by some anonymous lawyer in China woking for 400 a month?”

    My employer’s solution would be to run more TV ads. I got filmed for my first Internet ad a few months ago. That was an odd experience. It was pretty much 45 minutes of me speaking in sound bites.

  10. Li Yuan Says:

    Hello, I make now comment. Best go to law, school not to complain. Men weak vessel, best go to women law.

  11. Pig Says:

    But i work for a lot of anonymous entities that logically might find attractive, the idea of shifting expensive lawyer intensive tasks to some country functioning as a international call center.

    Lawyer reviews documents? “Have that done by hasheesh in Calcutta or in China. Sure he’s not great but he’ll get better. Then he’ll send his opinion to you Pig.” Lawyer argues in court? “You know Pig, we’re going to have Mr. XYZ from a small town near bejing do the argument: he’s read everything for $400 (or euro) and is ready to appear by video. We made a big contribution to your state’s judiciary to get the right to appear that way. ”

    Ads won’t save lawyers from this slow erosion.

    This is one reason I saw the exploding associate compensation as a nudge to the CPA’s to start moving stuff offshore.

    They can’t do my trials though.

  12. Li Yuan Says:

    Pig, you litigator? On US TV? What court case you try?

  13. JP Says:

    Li, you have the wrong decade.

    You’re trying to use 70s humor.

    That isn’t funny anymore.

  14. Avila Says:

    I think Pig and JP are the same person. Also, I think “Not a Lawyer” is really a man.

    Am I right?

  15. pig Says:

    No I am not the same as JP. He sounds like a mello corporate lawyer.

    I am a trial lawyer –two fisted, bourbon drinking, whip-cracking, direct approach-trial lawyer. But i don’t drink bourbon, don’t own a whip, and haven’t been in a fist fight since grade school (he started it–I won though).

    A “litigator?” Please. Like calling a surgeon a nurse. “litigator” =someone that sends out reams of paper from an office and never tries a case, and for that matter, does not know where a court house is. If they have jury duty, they wander about wide-eyed like everyone else and think “I wonder what they do here?”.

    I do boring corporate cases and would not make for good tv, except to an audience smaller than the “Congressmen Weiner Appreciation Sociaty.” I eschew TV exposure like a vampire avoids sunlight (and would never tweet myself to jurors, or opposing counsel, unless of course, I used a cape like the one Weiner supposedly used in one tweeted pic–whata weirdo he is).

    Not a lawyer sounds like a woman to me. As a matter of fact she sounds like the only woman on this site. “ellen and “alma” do not but it takes all kinds so I suppose they might be real. I’ll watch for “weirdest marriages/Divorce of The Year” articles to see if their name shows up. If so I’ll go and report back on Ellen’s suppsoed breasts and whether Alma says “fooey” to the divorce judge.

  16. JP Says:

    I spent five years doing corporate IP work, so I was formed in the white hot crucible that produces mello corporate lawyers. That is to say I billed hours, mostly to large international megacorps.

    I agree with Pig that Not a Lawyer sounds womanish.

    My clients these days would make good TV. I do mostly disability these days, since it involves agressively dealing with the federal and private insurance bureauracies. Which is kind of like fistfighting a cardboard box, to tell you the truth.

    It’s like being a trial lawyer, except the other side never really fights back. It’s like being a litigator, except that rarely brief or research anything.

    I did win a case at the Fourth Circuit once. Only because the opposing counsel insisted on actually fighting. Because they were a real company and not an insurance company.

    Insurance companies always settle.

  17. Ellen Says:

    Avilea is right. These TWO peeple seem to write togeether. It is more then a coincedence that they are together, like two PEES in a pod.

  18. JP Says:

    It looks like Pig and I are the only two people, other than BL1Y, who know that we aren’t each other.

    Being that this is the BL1Y comment section, a forum not known to have an impact on anything whatsoever, I’m ok with that.

  19. Li Yuan Says:

    No eat pig. Not good. Go law school ID now. No like law.

  20. Pig Says:

    Its grey here in Seattle, as it always is. I’m travelling and the traffic was terrible as the UW held its mass graduation snarling traffic for miles.

    I was thinking that we could rent a mansion in Bel Aire for the huge BL1Y dinner (there must be 7 people, or 6 if we count ellen and alma as one). Phil Spector isn’t using his house right now, but its out east of LA. Maybe Mrs. Schwarzzeneger will let us use hers. Arnold isn’t staying there I guess. Or maybe we could just rent the Space Needle here in Seattle.

    Ellen: you need to tell me what sleeping arrangements we need to make for you. Some rooms are large with two queen sized beds and I have to know–put you in with JP so you two can talk or in with LiYuan and Alma? Or with Not a Lawyer? If you want to just hang out with your vulva, it’ll mean a smaller room. I just need to know.

    as long as there are no mysterious homicides before midnight, I am going to drive home and spend the night in my own bed, but I’ll be back for breakfast. I want the butler to assure the cook witll have a huge breakfast but everyone can show up in Pj’s .

    JP: we could audition a woman who wants to break into entertainment as the “Maid.” she will be told this is a reality show.

    For the women I’ll get some pool guy type but he has to be out by midnight. The maid, however, as a trained member of the staff, needs to stay the night.

    There won’t be any pig on the menu. I’m going to hire a french chef.

  21. Li Yuan Says:

    This good. I know no Ellen or Vuvla. Where you send BelAire?

  22. Not a Lawyer Says:

    Avila,

    Nope – not a man. Married mother of 2. Ellen/Alma is a man, though.

  23. JP Says:

    Here are the results of my survey on what people think of lawyers.

    Database Administrator – “Trial lawyers are just legal extortionists. Time for tort reform”

    Professional Thomas Jefferson – “A lawyer wrote the Declaration of Independence”

    Youth Correction Facilities Manager – “I think that unlike a dead skunk, there are rarely skid marks in front of a dead lawyer. “

  24. JP Says:

    So, Not A Lawyer, do you work at a Too Big to Fail Bank or a smaller bank that, although solvent and well run, is going to fail because somebody has to take the systemic losses and it can’t be Citibank?

  25. Ellen Says:

    NOt a lawyer: You are really not a lawyer and you are a woman? You do NOT know me. I am very PRETTY, so there.

  26. pig Says:

    I swear: if Ellen is a woman, she must be writing from some public library that offers free time to transients. I guess “so there” is an improvement on “fooey” but not much. Really, Ellen, if Weiner can post a pic so can you.

    Meanwhile, the lawyer perception survey doesn’t sound good. For lawyers anyway. Here are mine:

    –22 year old UC graduate with some weird stuff on her gown (she said it was summa cum laude so I took her opinion right away): “law school is three more years of school; i can be trained while making a small salary and skip the school. Both my parents were lawyers and I am not going to do that.”

    22 year old kid with woman in the gown: “I am doing ibanking. Law school is waiting to start life. Besides, its excessively academic and most law professors aren’t lawyers anyway.”

    43 year old woman in ironed or dry cleaned jeans, suede coat and who looked pretty good for her age: obviously well off; “I want someone able to stay home and my friends with husband/lawyers work all the time. Excutives also make more and I have three kids.”

    I ams till looking….

  27. Not a Lawyer Says:

    I work for a Too Big to Fail Bank that survived the crisis in ’08 by the skin of it’s teeth. The bank, despite the losses of proprietary trading and mortgage backed assets, was solvent, even after the writedowns of those assets. It was forced to take TARP funds and repaid them with interest in about 9 months time.

    And regarding the surveys – I don’t think there was any one group that fared better or worse than lawyers. I like lawyers – that’s why I type to you.

    Ellen – I’m prettier.

  28. JP Says:

    So, Not A Lawyer, what do bankers talk about around the water cooler when they talk banking?

    And was 2008 really as exciting inside the banking industry as it looked from the outside when the news programs were on every morning talking about how the market was crashing?

    And is Citibank going to do another reverse split when it goes below $5 per share again?

  29. Anonymous Says:

    I’m not a banker – I audit them, so they don’t really want to talk to me. If I had to guess, they probably talk about their douchebag-mobiles. Kidding kidding. They talk about the market. They live and breathe it. What are other firms doing, what’s going on in strategic initiatives, are we a bank yet, blah blah blah.

    September 2008 was crazy. I’d go to a meeting and come out and the DOW had dropped 900 points in 45 minutes or something nuts like that. There were rumors abound as to who was going to “buy us” because banks were just getting snapped up in those crazy overnight deals. Every day, every hour, the information changed. They created a Japanese joint venture in a matter of days. CRAZY.

    Citi’s been hovering around there for awhile, but I don’t think they’ve done as much as other firms (and I could be wrong) in slashing credit to put those reserves back on their bottom line (they still have $3B reserved for loss, i think). This tells me thay have other options….I should hope. Though did you notice that in their quarterlies Vikram did a funky Q -to-Q comparison of earnings rather than the Year-to-year? It’s not like he was fooling anyone. Weird stuff going on over there….maybe I’m just bitter that they didn’t hire me. ha.

  30. Not a Lawyer Says:

    I don’t know why my name showed up “Anonymous”……but that’s me. Up there.

  31. JP Says:

    So, you’re both Not A Lawyer and Not A Banker.

    Couldn’t you just up and declare one day “I wish to become a banker! For too long have I audited you when I should have been able to personally be able to originate massive amounts of questionable credit and do whatever it is that bankers do! Transfer me or I’ll audit you like you’ve never been audited before!”

    Here’s another questions. Is Bernake universally loved by To Big To Fail firms everwhere? Are there coffee mugs with his bearded visage floating around your firm?

  32. Not a Lawyer Says:

    No, no great love of Bernake at the firm. And if I wanted to be banker, I’d be a banker. I prefer analyzing risk to engaging in it. That’s just me.

  33. JP Says:

    I didn’t know if banking was like pharmaceutical companies.

    I knew an attorney who got pigenholed into the production side of big pharma and then could never get over to marketing.

    He ended up being Not A Partner in a law firm.

  34. Li Yuan Says:

    You too please to get room, no?

  35. pig Says:

    Yeah, JP, whoever said that you wind up nuzzling the women was right. Besides, I saw her first. Li Yuan is a good addition here. And unlike Ellen she can spell.

  36. Ellen Says:

    I do NOT know who thinks she is so pretty, but MY father said that I was going to marry somone famous b/c I am BOTH smart and pretty.

    Right now, I do not have a BF, but that is b/c I am selecteve and will NOT just settle for any man.

    It has to be someone SPECIAL. Fooey on you men. Fooey!

  37. JP Says:

    Ellen might be one of those people with XY chromosomes who is not a man.

    I saw that on House one time. And more recently on a Discovery Health show.

    She might be *smart*, *pretty*, and have a pair of testicles. A woman on the outside, not so womanly on the inside.

  38. JP Says:

    I just realized that women with XY chromosomes can get womb transplants.

    Hmmmm.

  39. Strenuous Objector Says:

    I have a suspicion that when Ellen caps locks her words she’s actually doing some strange tweak, like he/she has tourettes. The closest I know to the XY is tv shows with hermaphrodites.

  40. Not a Lawyer Says:

    The womb transplant is excellent news for Ellen as you know she wants a family with her perfectly obedient vulva-averse husband that she will no doubt find one day with her stunning good looks and perfect breasts…..and big balls.

    Ellen, you’re right, I don’t know, BUT I have a strong hunch that that I’m hotter than you. I’ll tell you what – let’s let our husbands decide who’s hotter! Oh wait -

  41. Anonymous Says:

    XY women are actual (sterile) women. Their bodies don’t process androgen, so they think like and talk like women. And they wander the world marrying and having sex with men. Like Ellen. But without the marriage and sex parts.

    Remember, female is the default sex for human embryos. You have to flip the male switch to get a man

    So, in XY women, the switch is flipped but nothing happens.

    Kind of like most law students. They graduate and never actually become attornies due to some internal psychological flaw, generally having to do with the fact that they should never have been in law school in the first place and have no interest in practicing law.

    Kind of like BL1Y, but without the “1″. More like BL0Y.

    So, to put it simply, some XY’s never become BL1Ys. Rather, they stay BL0Ys. They’re still BLYs, but without the blog.

  42. JP Says:

    That was me, JP. Not anonymous.

    I did the Not A Lawyer thing.

  43. Alma Federer Says:

    What are you dopes blathering about? Ellen is on the mark when it comes to you oafs. You are in all likelihood holding your own weiners, so don’t bash Ellen for having some scrupules. She obviously would not be in the sack with you hapless guy(s).

  44. Strenuous Objector Says:

    Ellen never hits the mark, he’s never close to the mark, he never even starts the path to the mark. Like Not a Lawyer said, let the husbands decide but Ellen and Alma couldn’t even get an escort male to pretend to be their boyfriend, let alone husband, during the judging.

  45. Ellen Says:

    Your so silly, no wonder you are a strenuos objector. Fooey on you. I am pretty, and I do NOT think Alma is, but I like her any way. Fooey. I have plenty of men sniffing around all of the time.

  46. Not a Lawyer Says:

    Those sniffing men are thinking, “Why is that bearded dude in the low cut blouse wearing so much perfume?”

  47. Not a Lawyer Says:

    Those sniffing men are thinking, “Why is that bearded dude in the low cut blouse wearing so much perfume?”

    Ellen you don’t like me? We’re practically brother and sister!

  48. Li Yuan Says:

    You Americans very wing. Yes?

    You write Ellen a dude, Yes?

    Dude means a man no?

    I scratch head but not follow this.

  49. Hank Says:

    These broads remind me of a good joke:

    A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her doctor recommended that she see a well-known Chinese sex therapist, Dr. Chang, so she went to see him. Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, “OK, take off all you crose.” The woman did as she was told. “Now, get down and craw reery, reery fass to odder side of room.” Again, the woman did as she was instructed. Dr.Chang then said, “OK,now craw reery, reery fass back to me.” So she did. Dr. Chang shook his head slowly and said, “Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates.” Worried, the woman asked anxiously, “Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary Disease?” Dr. Chang looked the woman in the eye and replied, “Ed Zachary Disease is when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your ass.”

  50. Not a Lawyer Says:

    Oh Li, yes I’m very wing. Yes, dude is man, yes. Me likey.

  51. Pig Says:

    Hank, you’re priceless.

  52. Hank Says:

    That’s what my wife says!

  53. Pig Says:

    But Hank, you cannot talk like this at the Big Dinner, since it will upset the one person we all feel is a woman (not A Lawyer). Since women–real ones anyway–are in short supply here, please find some suitably highbrow jokes that will not repel the women. Not A Lawyer’s husband might like them but I wans’t thinking of inviting spouses.

    besides, if you do upset NAL, it will just play into JP’s hands ,since he’ll be that opportunistic “oh I am so sorry about Hank” and “let’s you and I go talk somewhere,” and I’ll be stuck at the table with Ellen and her vulva. So can the crude jokes. Go find some art jokes in the New Yorker.

    I am looking for a celebrity speaker, but am coming up short.

    Congressman Weiner out- he’d be off oiling himself and tweeting.

    Schwarrzzengeger out- not really a celeb now, more of an infamous scuzzball till it blows over and maybe still then.

    Chris Christie out-would eat all the food.

    Hugh Hefner out-Unable to reach him (was asleep at 500pm,)

    hefner’s gold digging, two-timing, ingrate, former finace who was going to stand him up at the alter for 500k–out– she’s moved out of the Mansion without rhe 500k so I thought she’d come for cheap but she says she hates lawyers too.

    BL1Y himself–out–says he is too busy with other websites to waste time on the likes of you.

    I’m still looking.

  54. Li Yuan Says:

    What this all about? Why someone name pig so smart? Who Ellen Vuvla?

  55. JP Says:

    I’m more interested in the fact that NAL is at a TBTF bank than the apparent fact that she’s a woman. That and the fact that she’s neither Ellen nor Alma.

    So, NAL, is everybody expecting another round of Quantative Easing? Financial crisis? What’s the scoop in bankworld?

    I hear that Wall Street is gearing up for another round of (minor) layoffs.

  56. Hank Says:

    JP, neither you nor Pig are ever going to get laid conversing with some avatar on this website. That’s how come your conversation with the supposed broad reminds me of a joke:

    ‘Q. What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?

    A. They can both smell it, but can’t eat it. ‘

    Of course, I’m not sure the gyno wants to eat it.

  57. Not a Lawyer Says:

    Quantitative easing? I should think not. In the wake of the crisis, the banks were forced to re-think their structures and core busineses. (Overnight, my firm went from an investment firm to a bank.) So, with that self-assessment and reoragnization, the various firms have been trying to focus in the areas that are most profitable to them. They’re watching their business lines more carefully, and the expenses even more carefully. So no, I should hope not. But nothing can shock me anymore. From my perspective, Wall Street is different place. I know there those that disagree completely (if read what the traders at Goldman are earning – yikes), but “down in the trenches” where I work, yeah, the business is very cautious.

    On another note, who do you think will buy all of the FNMA and FHLMC toxic assets if they truly do “wind down” the GSEs? Hedge funds. I’ll betcha a dollar.

  58. Not a Lawyer Says:

    And yes, layoffs are coming. I’ve come to terms with it. Ain’t no recession in Texas.

  59. pig Says:

    when interest rates rise as they eventually must, and cars houses and what not become impossible to finance, we’ll all feel the pain. as inflation ripples through the economy following the expansion of m3 and despite the efforts to make banks hold reserves, we’ll feel even more pain. thats why i want to have this dinner while dom and cristal are still available for dollars

  60. Hank Says:

    Will you two get a room?

    Here’s something more interesting for inquiring minds:

    ——————

    A woman takes a lover home during the day, while her husband is at work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she puts the lover in the closet with the little boy.

    The little boy says, “Dark in here.”

    The man says, “Yes it is.”

    Boy- “I have a baseball.”

    Man- “That’s nice.”

    Boy- “Want to buy it?”

    Man- “No, thanks.”

    Boy- “My dad’s outside.”

    Man- “OK, how much?” Boy- “$250.”

    In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom’s lover are in the closet together.

    Boy- “Dark in here.”

    Man- “Yes, it is.”

    Boy- “I have a baseball glove.”

    The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, “How much?”

    Boy- “$750.”

    Man- “Fine.”

    A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab your glove. Let’s go outside and toss the baseball back and forth.”

    The boy says, “I can’t. I sold them.”

    The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?”

    The son says “$1,000.”

    The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.”

    They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

    The boy says, “Dark in here.”

    The priest says, “Don’t start that sh*t again.”

  61. Foo Yim Says:

    Hello, I friend of Li Yuan, and she ask me to read this sight.

    Not understand poster’s links. Very big page for not anything said.

    No women on sight. This is problem.

  62. pig Says:

    i don’t need a room and have my own girlfriend here, even tho i will tell jp dinner starts at 8 when it really starts at 7, just to sit next to NAL and talk to a sensible woman, and avoid sitting next to ellen whoever she/he is. by the way that last joke was better than the other ones.

  63. Strenuous Objector Says:

    I like this joke too from Franklin and Bash:

    An elderly couple, still very loving after all these years, is shocked
    when the woman’s doctor says she has a heart condition that could kill her
    at any time. She is to avoid stress, eat right, and never, ever have sex
    again — the strain would be too much.
    The couple reluctantly try to live by these rules. Both get really horny
    over time, however, and the husband decides he’d better sleep downstairs
    on the couch to guard against temptation.
    This works for a few weeks, until late one night when they meet each other
    on the stairs — she’s coming downstairs, he’s heading up.
    “Honey, I have a confession to make,” the woman says, her voice quavering.
    “I was about to commit suicide.”
    “I’m glad to hear it, sweetie,” the man says, “Because I was just coming
    upstairs to kill you!”

    Anyway. Anyone heard the improvements to regenerative medicine?

  64. Hank Says:

    Here’s a better one for you:

    Right in the middle of lovemaking, the husband dies of a heart attack. As the funeral arrangements are being made, the mortician informs the widow that he cannot get rid of her dead husband’s rigor mortis hard-on which is sticking straight up in the air and if they don’t do something, it will look odd in the coffin at the funeral.
    The widow tells the guy to cut it off and stick it up her dear departed’s behind. The mortician can’t believe his ears but the widow is adamant, so he does it. During the funeral, friends and relatives of the dead man were concerned to see a tear in the corner of his eye, but the widow assured them that there was no cause to be alarmed.
    Just before the casket is closed, the widow leans in and whispers in the dead man’s ear, ‘It HURTS, doesn’t it?’

  65. Bemis Says:

    The same old couple were driving thru California and the man was pulled over by a state trooper who approached the old geezer with some urgency. “Sir, are you aware that your wife fell out of your car 5 miles back?” he asked. “Thank god,” said he man, “I thought I’d gone deaf.”

  66. Pete Says:

    How do I get rid of pussy stink from my hands? Help!

  67. Strenuous Objector Says:

    Pete, there’s a new product just for lawyers called “Stank Off”. It gets rid of both liab lawyers and rank pink tuna smell. If you buy it today you can get a free sample of Sex Panther with your purchase. Remember, Sex Panther: 60% of the time it works everytime.

  68. Pig Says:

    You’re disgusting Pete: if it were my site I’d delete your remark and block you from now on. I mean really.

    But today, I was working on the the sumptous dinner at a remote but elegant retreat, with a butler, maid and elegant sitting rooms, (and pete, you won’t be sitting in any of them since I am not only not inviting you, I am sending you a letter telling you not to show up).

    And if you do show up somehow, Bluto, who will be in front to prevent Ellen from getting in if she’s not under 40 and good looking enough to compensate for her idiocy, will stop you too.

    I was looking into butler services because I really want an older one named “watkins,” “wilberforce,” or even “Marshmount” and the butler has to have impeccable Old World manners (but if pete gets in Marshmount can hit him with a frying pan).

    I believe I mentioned the poolboy and the Maid.

    But today I have been distracted by the ABA, the organization that each year wins the “Continuing Irrelvance” award from most lawyers.

    Most states have “Bar Groupies” that don’t practice law well, but faithfully attend Bar conventions to put in their 2 cents on issues the Bar ought not to be debating anyway. I mean if i want to debate social issues, I don’t really want bar groupies to be in charge of my orgainization’s posiiton.

    And most state Bars also have some weird, voting system for the bar that gives you canned slates of pre approved people like the EU does. These people work by stealth to suck up to current Bar groupies and get themselves nominated and well you see. Democracy is great for the Bar in theory, but not real in practice.

    So you never really get to vote for the ones you want that would shut this nonsense down, and help practicing lawyers by letting up on the endless demands for mandatory pro bono, etc.

    But the BG’s, since no one will listen to them at the office, gather like lint in a dryer hose, at bar conventions where like-minded souls talk about law firm diversity, mandatory pro bono work, collegiality and so on while law schools, law firms and law collegiality are going down the tubes.

    For years, Bar Groupies have hectored lawyers to do more pro bono work even as they insist lawyers work for less, toe the line on more and more rules, and get sued more and more for alleged malpractice. Then they want to know why law firms don’t spend more time on pro bono work.

    If I am doing mandatory pro bono, where will I get time to plan the dinner? To spend time with my kids? I mean no doctor gives me mandatory pro bono. Or the place that fiddles with benz suspensions–no pro bono from Dieter I can assure you.

    The ABA is the worst of these since like the EU, is is remote and cut off from real lawyers. Anyway, today its totally interfered with the planning of the Big Dinner.

    If mandatory pro bono comes up at dinner what will be the opinons? if all of you think its a good thing, I will keep quiet on it.

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