Reason Not to Go to Law School #37

The parties suck.

Law school parties are a recipe for disaster.  You’ve got a bunch of neurotic, undersexed, stressed-out socially awkward nerds with big egos and low alcohol tolerance.  How could it not go wrong?

To: All Law Students


Re: Spring Fling, March 8, 2007 – A Message of Concern

Date: February 27, 2007

The annual Spring Fling will take place in the Vanderbilt Hall on Thursday, March 8th between 8 PM and 12AM. Invitations will be placed in student mailboxes later this week. We wanted to let you know about some changes we have instituted at this year’s Spring Fling as a result of incidents that occurred at the 2006 Spring Fling and 2006 Fall Ball.

We found that the level of intoxication among some students at these events was quite high. As a result:

1. Several students become ill in Vanderbilt Hall and in the Residence Halls

2. Two students had to be hospitalized

3. One wait-staff was assaulted by an intoxicated student

4. There was extensive property damage to Greenberg Lounge

In addition, although we have always encouraged students to bring their spouse or domestic partner to these events, we found that many students were bringing other guests and that some of these guests were under 21. We had no mechanism for identifying these underage guests.

We are sure you will agree that these issues are troubling and need to be addressed. Therefore, at this year’s Spring Fling law students must show their law school ID and a second form of ID showing their age. Any spouse or domestic partner who accompanies a law student must also have a picture ID that shows their age. Anyone without these IDs will not be admitted.

All attendees 21 years of age and over will be given a wristband with 2 drink tickets attached. Attendees under 21 will receive a wristband with no drink tickets. In addition, we will have sandwiches and other foods available in addition to the usual snacks, beer, wine, and soft drinks. As in previous years, we will stop serving alcoholic beverages one hour before the end of the event.

We hope that these measures will help to address some of the problems associated with this event. However, it is up to all attendees to make the Spring Fling the community building and celebratory event that it is intended to be. Please look out for your fellow students and help us to make the event safe and enjoyable for everyone. Enjoy the Fling!

While I can’t defend people who trash the place and assault the staff, much of the blame for shitty law school parties falls on the school.  Our parties at NYU had the classic disaster combination of free booze and no food.

Okay, there actually was food, but there might as well not have been.  The two big items on the menu at the party that wrecked parties for all future NYU law students were chips and sandwiches.  Chips are a big no-no.  They’re salty and just make people want to drink more.

Sandwiches are worse.  These weren’t hearty, Carnegie Deli sandwiches.  These were wimpy, more-bread-than-meat sandwiches.  I guess they law school subscribes to the belief that bread will keep you from getting drunk because it “absorbs” the alcohol.  First of all, that’s not even true.  Second, it wouldn’t matter, because you’re still digesting the alcohol-saturated bread.

As every fraternity since the dawn of time as learned, if you want to keep people from getting too fracked up (for frats the question is purely academic), you serve pizza.  Meat, cheese, grease.  That’s the way to go.

After and incredibly disappointing and uneventful 2L Spring Fling, the new SBA leadership tried to get our up our drink allowance.  We got a recap of the negotiations in one of our weekly SBA e-mails.

Next week the Law School will be hosting its annual Fall Ball. Fall Ball is an official Law School event, hosted and funded by the Office of Student Affairs, and not the SBA. In response to property damage and other issues during last year’s Fall Ball, the Dean’s office decided to limit the student body to two drinks per person. Beginning last Spring, the SBA embarked on a series of discussions with the administration to advocate for more drink tickets at the official Law School semesterly parties (Fall Ball and Spring Fling). As a result of these discussions, the Dean’s Office made an offer to the SBA that they would increase the number of drink tickets to three tickets per student if the SBA would agree to indemnify a proportion of any property damage out of its budget. The SBA Board did not deem it appropriate to put student activities funds and other student monies at risk, and have the entire student budget contingent on the potential actions of individuals. The SBA refused the offer, and Fall Ball will be limited to two drink tickets per student, as Spring Fling was last year.

What a fracking ridiculous joke of an offer from the administration.  All of the SBA’s funds come from the school.  The administration knows the SBA couldn’t possibly pay for any damages because the administration hasn’t given the SBA that kind of money.

Personally though, I think our SBA should have accepted the offer.  What’s the worst that could happen?  We damage the school in a three-drink rampage, the school asks the SBA to hand over the cash, and the SBA informs the school of how incredibly unpopular it would be to rob every student organization of their funding.  Odds are the school would just give a big “harumph,” pay for the damages itself, and limit students to two drinks at the next party.

Even if they did pull funding for all future parties, how hard is it to round up a few 3Ls with money left over from summer jobs to spring for a case of Yellow Tail and a couple PBR kegs?  Yeah, that’s the shit they served at our parties.  A two-drink maximum is a reprieve.

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4 Responses to “Reason Not to Go to Law School #37”

  1. Bill Says:

    The men at NYU were dorks, and the women (if you could call them that) were even worse!

    That is one law school where real men would never go to meet the “women,” because they no decent ones have ever been found, let alone tagged.

  2. Snowman Says:

    At ASU there are no drink tickets. Here is a little snippet from the Barrister’s Ball FAQ:

    Why isn’t the event open bar?
    o It is a law school policy that SBA is not allowed to pay for or subsidize alcohol. There will be a discounted cash bar at the event and the drink prices are very reasonable. Average $4-$6.

    Just what I wanted. To pay $80 so I can bring my girlfriend to this lame event and then pay $4-6 for a Bud Light. I think I’ll go to the bar down the street and pay $4-6 and end the night with an extra $80 in my pocket.

  3. j'lynn Says:

    And my friends wonder why I don’t do “school” parties…..

  4. bl1y Says:

    NYU has a bar across the street that has a $4 happy hour for everything but a few top shelf liquors. $4 Long Island Iced Teas? Booya.

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