Noon-Thirty News 06/29/10
Posted in News on June 29th, 2010 by bl1yDouchy Lawyer Dumped
[ABC Episode Guide]
I’d put a spoiler alert here, but it’s reality TV, so who cares?
Douchy lawyer Craig R. failed to secure a rose last night on The Bachelorette (shut up, my mom watches it).
If you can’t tell just by looking at him that he’s a giant douche, you should be able to figure it out by the fact that his favorite book is The Catcher in the Rye. Great book? Sure. But, picking it shows the lack of real intelligence needed to go from corporate douche cog to what I like to call “merry asshole.” Douches are slick and manipulative, while assholes are intelligent and witty.
An asshole doesn’t pick such an obvious book.
Tucker Max is an asshole. But, if your favorite book is I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, odds are you’re just a douchebag.
Mayer Brown and Simmons & Simmons Face LMR
[Legal Week]
Facing last minute resistance, the merger between Mayer Brown and Simmons & Simmons is off. Both firms are down in revenue, and it’s not clear (based on my very limited research) who thought they’d be getting the bargain in this deal. But, the real winners are probably the associates and staff. Mergers often mean many positions are made redundant and a reduction in headcount soon follows.
K&L Gates Wants TV-Quality Lawyers
[The Careerist]
K&L Gates Chair Peter Kalis shared his thoughts on what type of associates he likes to see at the firm.
I like someone who’s iconoclastic–smart, sassy, and a bit edgy.
I don’t want malleable. I want formidable.
My guess is the people who do the actual recruiting at K&L Gates, and who directly supervise these associates are sticking with the traditional model of hiring risk-adverse research drones. Some who’s smart, edgy, and formidable isn’t going to go into a job where they get to waste their weekends doing due diligence on a deal that’s likely to collapse Monday morning.
Things You Can Do With a Law Degree: FML
[New York Law Journal via Law.com]
A new article from Katherine Frink-Hamlett, president of Frink-Hamlett Legal Solutions Inc., has three possible alternative careers for recent JDs: Procurement, Compliance, and Law Firm Administration.
While these careers are frequently referred to as “alternatives,” the truth is that they simply represent the range of professional opportunities available to attorneys.
Unfortunately, the first two options, procurement and compliance, offer much of the same office drudgery bullshit as law, but with far worse pay than a big law job. Also, the positions generally require some experience working in that position, and 3-5 years of work in the relevant industry. If you went straight to law school from undergrad, scratch these off your list.
And, law firm administration? Yeah, it’s everyone’s dream to be the person who makes sure first year associates are up to date on their CLE credits. How many people are going to be satisfied working as mere support staff to their preferred profession? Want to be a doctor? Why not settle for being an insurance claims specialist!
Blame it on the Juice (Vendors)
[The Guardian]
Venezuela is facing a severe food crisis as the government continues to scoop up private farms and then mismanage them into the ground, and allow tens of thousands of pounds of food imports to rot in government warehouses.
Hugo Chavez blames people who sell meat at market prices for the country’s woes and is declaring war on capitalism. In America (Proper) the evil capitalists are big bankers and oil tycoons. In Venezuela (Lesser America) the evil capitalists are butchers and family farmers. The penalty for selling good at market price in Venezuela is confiscation of your business and 6 years in prison.
So, why am I discussing this here? Well, it’s a pretty retarded legal system that puts you in jail for selling meat at market price (which, by the way, is only about twice the artificially low government mandate), but more importantly, I’ve just encountered too many law students and lawyers who are ardent supporters of Chavez and communism. I seriously know people who keep pictures of Chavez in their office.