Blind! Drunk! Justice!

Posted in Blind Drunk Justice, News on August 23rd, 2010 by bl1y

Welcome to the pilot episode of America’s newest and greatest legal news, gossip, and commentary podcast, Blind Drunk Justice, starring The Namby Pamby and yours truly.

Blind Drunk Justice – Test Show

This week (well, technically last Thursday) we discuss whether young lawyers are useless, the best value law schools, ABA plans to accredit foreign law schools, the greatest fictional lawyers (snubbed by the ABA Journal), and the boilerplate crap you put in client e-mails.

Feel free to share your thoughts about the show, I may actually read them.  And also, for more updates be sure to follow the show on Twitter.

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Name That T4 Law School!

Posted in Uncategorized on March 11th, 2010 by bl1y

How well do you know T4 law schools?

Head over to Bitter Lawyer and play the new game from your truly.

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BL1Y Now on ABA Journal Blawgs

Posted in Uncategorized on February 18th, 2010 by bl1y

Root roo!  You can now find listed on the ABA Journal’s blawgs.

…Along with 2,600 other blogs.

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Dos and Don’ts of V-Day Gifts for Lawyers

Posted in Uncategorized on February 9th, 2010 by bl1y

VSHave a special lawyer in your life that you’re going to be spending Valentine’s Day with? Then head over to and read my article discussing what you should (and shouldn’t) give as a V-Day gift.

Lingerie is out.

NSFW photos are in.

You can read my other articles posted on BitterLawyer here.

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14,000 Hits and a Contest!

Posted in Uncategorized on February 1st, 2010 by bl1y

Thanks to all my readers for making this first month back blogging so successful.  Over 14,000 mother-freaking hits!  (Due largely to getting a shout out from  I’d also like to give special thanks to the great people at, where I occasionally get the honor of guest blogging.

So, as a special treat, since you’re all such wonderful boys and girls (except that sketchy law firm that posted an ad in the comments), I’m offering you all a contest…with a prize!  I’m looking for some good law school / law firm anecdotes, foibles, grievances, or just embarrassing moments.  Winners will have their story published here and receive a batch of my very special Crim Law Crunchies!  (It’s really just home made Chex mix with a super-secret blend of spices, but I don’t want to call it Chex Mix because I’m not a good enough lawyer to defend a trademark infringement suit, so, lame law school name it is!)

Here’s how it works:

E-mail your story to by 1:00 am Eastern time, March 1st.  You can remain anonymous, make up a name, or use your real name, doesn’t matter.  All real names will be shortened to first name and last initial.

On March 1st, I’ll contact the winners by e-mail to get your address, and pretty soon your story will be posted here and your Chex Mix Crim Law Crunchies will be on their way.  That’s it.  Easy peasy.  And, if all your stories suck, I’ll just make something up and pass it off as a real story.

[Also, before I send anything to you or publish your story on this site, I'll send you a release giving me the right to publish the story here and anywhere else I feel like with whatever changes I want to make.  Basically, I might Peterman your story.]

[Also, more legal nonsense, the Crim Law Crunchies may contain any or all of the following: cheese, butter, fish (don't ask), nuts, peanuts, PEANUTS, SERIOUSLY, IF YOU'RE ALLERGIC TO PEANUTS, THIS WILL KILL YOU!!!!  Basically, only people with hardy genetic material need enter.]

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Cornell Law Students are Cute When They’re Angry

Posted in Uncategorized on January 25th, 2010 by bl1y

This comment came in through the original site in response to Reason #11 and I thought I’d share it here for your amusement.  The writer purports to be a Cornell 2L, but his e-mail address was invalid, so who knows.  But, let’s give him the benefit of the doubt.

Dear BL1Y,

Hey man grow a pair. That’s really all there’s to say about anything you’ve done with this blog. This isn’t Stuffwhitepeoplelike, which is–at the very least–witty and self-deprecating. You haven’t achieved that, and won’t, probably because you can’t. I get the whole “I’ve worked my ass off to get here and it’s disappointing” thing, but the anger of this blog isn’t constructive, it’s just your own desperate effort to channel a frustrating recognition into something else: you’re really, truly not as brilliant as you thought you were when you started law school. And that’s actually what’s got you so pissed right now. But it doesn’t excuse your desire to make your classmates out to look like something the cat drug in. If you had any capacity for self-reflection, at least you might have a marginal idea of how much nicer your life is than that of most everyone else on Earth. But you can’t see any of that. So instead of studying more to ensure that you get every ounce you can out of the terrific opportunity that is law school, or even asking one of those foreign students out to the bar after class to get a sense of who they are past the most cliched stereotyping (you’re probably too socially maladjusted for that anyway), you’ve just wasted your time writing this shit. Penning shit rants about how you probably won’t make 160k on the other side of graduation. Honestly though, making a ton of money is one thing you’ll never have to worry about. Because it’s obvious you’re a rotten person, and you’ll make a terrific lawyer.


John H., Cornell 2L

Dear John,

Are you retarded, or just a law student?  Your reading comprehension skills are appalling.  It takes about two seconds on my blog to realize that I’m not a law student, I’ve graduated and then left legal practice.  And, since you’re bothering to write a response, I assume you’re vaguely familiar with the format I’m using here.  But, you seem to still think I should be studying more to get the most I can out of law school, while also acknowledging my dissatisfaction for work in the legal profession.  Were you perhaps drunk when you wrote your rant?

As for the suggestion that I hang out with more foreign students, again your reading comprehension skills have failed you.  I specifically mention that one of my friends from law school was from a third world African country.  My post wasn’t that long or hard to follow.  How the hell do you make it through an entire case?  I bet you have trouble following the flow of a syllabus.

And no, I’m not disappointed because I worked my ass off to become a lawyer.  I did no such thing.  I did the minimal amount of work necessary, drank like a fish, and graduated smack in the middle of my class.  I’m disappointed because the law school and the legal profession are jokes and a complete waste of time, money and talent.  Or in your case, just time and money.

Finally, not only am I not angry (bitter, sure; jaded, yeup; but not angry), but this blog actually is fairly constructive.  It provides me with a creative outlet while allowing me to hone my writing skills.  The internet provides far better feedback than the 3Ls who teach your legal writing class.  In the first two weeks my blog was up it got over 10,000 hits; I’d say it’s actually quite productive.



PS: My condolences on not being accepted to Columbia.

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New Digs

Posted in Uncategorized on January 20th, 2010 by bl1y

Welcome to the new BL1Y website. Bear with me while I work out a few kinks, mostly fixing articles that link to each other. Sorry, but comments posted on the old site can’t be transferred.


Interview With BL1Y, Part 3

Posted in Uncategorized on January 8th, 2010 by bl1y

Q: You recently moved back home with your parents, care to elaborate?

A: First, I try not to call it home. I really need to keep myself thinking of this as just a pit stop. Just as I try not to call myself a lawyer, I call this my parents’ house, not my home.

But basically what happened was pretty simple. I received no severance from my job, didn’t find work in New York, and couldn’t pay my rent. I’d only been working a little less than a year when I got notice of my lay off, just over a year on my last day, so my savings were pretty meager. That didn’t leave me with much other options than to move back in with my parents.

Q: What’s it like being back under the same roof as your parents?

A: It’s mostly just boring. There’s not a whole lot to do here. A few of my friends from high school live here, but a lot are married, some have kids, they all have jobs. Sort of limits who I can go out cavorting with. I don’t want to fall into that stereotype of the guy who moves back in with his parents and just sits around playing video games and watching TV all day. But what else is there really to do? Applying for job just doesn’t eat up enough of the day. There’s just not many jobs to apply to, and once you get used to writing cover letters, it takes just a few minutes to send off another application. I’m trying to use this as an opportunity to get in shape, but really, I just don’t feel the motivation.

Maybe if I land an interview for a great job and blow it because I can’t fit into my suits any more. That’d probably do the trick.

Q: In the first run of this blog, you had tried to portray yourself as a bit of a playboy, living it up in the big city, but that didn’t pan out as expected. What should we expect this time around?

A: Yeah, when I’d started I was a young attorney making bank. I’d just come out of a great relationship that managed to end amicably. [Editor's note: BL1Y's girlfriend moved to the west coast to pursue a graduate degree and neither thought a long distance relationship would work.] I had a good job, a pretty sweet downtown apartment, was in decent shape…I figured things would be fairly easy.

Damn was I wrong though. My game had turned to mush. I couldn’t even get hookers to take my dollar. It was bad. Then the layoff hit, I consumed nothing but beer and pizza for about three months, plumped up a little, and then once I knew I was definitely moving home I just stopped caring about meeting girls in New York.

Q: So what are your thoughts on the dating scene back home, or rather back in your home town?

A: It’s still a bit early to tell. The holiday time is obviously weird. But so far I’m liking it. Girls here are definitely cuter than back in New York. On average at least. There’s a higher percentage of attractive girls, but you lack the five-foot-ten elegant knock out. Lots of gorgeous girls here, without a doubt, there’s just one specific type that’s missing.

It’s been easier meeting girls here so far though. Part of it is that girls here hang out more in sports bars than in New York. They don’t think of the places as trashy and they don’t think of the guys as complete losers for hanging out there. It’s just the normal thing to do here. So, having more girls where I like to go helps. People here are friendlier, and they have to be. Odds are a total stranger at a bar is friends with one of your friends, so you don’t get many people being complete jackasses as much.

Q: Any big disadvantages?

A: Yeah. I can’t walk to the bars. My parents live a good ways out, about a twenty minute drive from the downtown area with all three of the city’s bars. I can’t drink like I used to. I mean, I can, and I do, it’s just a much worse idea now.

But, I still like the bars here more. It’s not them though, I think it’s me. I’ve done a good job of getting myself to think of this as a pit stop, not a real home. So, when I’m out at a bar, it’s like nothing matters, rejection doesn’t matter. There’s no inhibition, I can just talk to whatever girl, not nervous at all. Nothing to lose. Hopefully I’ll have some fun before I move on. Not sure where though, I can’t bring girl’s back to my parents’ house. That’d be creepy. I’ve managed to hook up a couple times on trips back home though. Once at the girl’s place, one in my car, once in the girl’s car.

Q: On the first run of this blog, there was some question about how much you actually get laid. Care to comment?

A: Yeah, no, that’s fair I guess. I was definitely in a dry spell. I did much better when I was broke and living in the ghetto. Go figure.

Q: Mind if we ask your number?

A: 18.

Q: That’s pretty decent considering your performance lately.

A: Yeah, I guess. Higher than the average male for his life time, and I’m still mid-twenties.

Q: But not so good lately?

A: Like I said, it’s been a big rough. Some bad luck, some bad game. Go figure.

Q: In fact, there hasn’t been a new notch since your last girlfriend, correct?

A: Yeah…I suppose that’s true.

Q: And even with her, it’s been how many months?

A: Can we move on to another topic?

Q: Almost eight months, isn’t that right?

A: Okay, sorry, yeah, I’m done, this is over. This interview is over.

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Old Me’s Dead and Gone

Posted in Uncategorized on January 6th, 2010 by bl1y

That’s right, I’m back, but this time with a bit of a different format (which is why all the old posts are gone).

Long story short, the economy happened, my firm announced record profits and issued a press release discussing why we were able to weather the bad economy (something to do with a giant bankruptcy case we landed), then decided to lay off a bunch of us anyways, and without any income I couldn’t pay rent, so now I’m back in the South living with my parents and trying to figure out what the frack I’m going to do with myself.

Now, I don’t think this is particularly interesting, but somehow without any new content this blog still gets some traffic and commenters have been asking if it’s still active, so what the hell, welcome to the life and times of a defunct big law assocaite.