Can You Believe She Previously Complimented How Smooth I Was?

Posted in Dumb Ideas Girls Have on June 7th, 2010 by bl1y

I recently posted a bit with More Than You Care to Know About, where I mentioned getting blown off by a girl who had read my blog.  We met at a bar, hung out one time after that, yadda yadda yadda, I never hear from her again.  Until this comment showed up:

ok, lets get this straight. I don’t give a rats ass about you t1 law degree. I stopped calling because you were pushy and self absorbed. We hung out and you told me that i wasn’t as hot as i thought i was. In addition, your shirt was too small, you live with your parents (on the wrong side of town) and your unemployed. Lastly, you told me a story about throwing up in bed with your girl friend, and having to think about if you should wake her up or not. Can we just be friends???

Now, I normally think it’s pretty lame to point out typos, especially online.  It’s the internet, after all.  The only thing more common online than typos is porn.  But, this one has reached a Mystalian level, so I really can’t respond without first addressing the incredibly poor writing skills exhibited here.  It’s rat’s ass, not rats ass; your t1 law degree, not you t1; let’s, not lets; i should be capitalized (three times), you’re unemployed not your unemployed, and girlfriend is one word, not two.

Moving on however, yes, I do live with my parents.  So do you.  No, I don’t live on the bad side of town, I live past the bad side of town, where it gets nice again.

And no, my shirt wasn’t too small, my doughy body is simply too fat, there’s a difference.  One is caused by buying clothes that don’t fit.  The other is caused by buying clothes that do fit, and then adopting a diet of pizza and beer for four months.

And yes, I did say you weren’t as hot as you think you are.  This was because of the rant you went on when we first met, where you couldn’t get over how hot you think you are.  You might not remember that part of the conversation, because at that point your shed had already collapsed and taken most of the fence with it.

But the thing that really irks me about this response is that you say I told you about puking in bed with my girlfriend.  That absolutely 100% did not happen.  Not ever.  Nor did I say it happened.  That’s terrible, and I don’t like it when people spread lies.

I pooped in bed with my girlfriend, not puked.  There is a world of difference.

[I had a bad case of food poisoning and woke up in the middle of shitting myself, ran to the bathroom to contain the mess, and while crapping my brains out wrestled with whether I should shout to my girlfriend (who was still asleep) and warn her about the liquid mess I'd left in the bed.  If I didn't wake her, she might move around in her sleep and discover it.  If I did wake her, she might move around while groggy, before it sinks in that I'm telling her not to move.  It's a tough call, and I chose to keep quiet.  When I was done, I woke her and had her get out of bed on the other side.]

Obviously it might be easy to mishear and think I said puke instead of poop, but the story doesn’t make sense that way.  How could I even contemplate shouting something to wake her up if I was puking?  It only works if the nastiness is coming out of a hole other than the one I talk with.

I understand now why you blew me off.  Obviously this misunderstanding has caused you to think I’m a bad story teller.  I wouldn’t be interested in a guy who told the puke version of that story either.

As for my tier 1 law degree, of course you don’t care about it.  Obviously anyone going to Samford University Cumberland School of Law, Grocery, and Car Wash doesn’t really care much about good schools.  …Not that NYU is a good school.  They’re all pretty bad (except maybe Northwestern, they look decent), but at least NYU is at the top of the curve.  (Also, only TTT students refer to NYU as tier 1; students at good schools use the t-14 v. shit school distinction.)  While you shouldn’t really care about my degree, you should care about the toilet degree you’re about to spend three years on.  (She has a full scholarship, so it only costs time, effort, and opportunity.)

Salaries for lawyers are bimodal.  This means the distribution isn’t a bell curve, but instead has two peaks.

There’s a cluster of people making $160,000, and a cluster making $40,000-$60,000, with a few people in the middle.  There are very good outcomes and very bad outcomes, and 99% of the good outcomes are reserved for students from the elite schools (the top third of t1).

Legal salary distribution is like anal sex.  Anal sex is either going to be really good or really awful.  There is no mediocre anal sex.  The kids at Harvard, Columbia, UVA, etc have a virtual monopoly on condoms and lube, so going to a TTT is pretty much like sentencing yourself to federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison.

When I enrolled in law school there wasn’t this wealth of information out there coming from all the disenchanted lawyers warning the next generation to stay away.  None of us knew that our schools were committing fraud with their employment stats, or that professors were actively working on making law school even less useful to students.  But, that information is out there now, and it’s easy to find.  Use it.  Making bad decisions because you conducted poor research is not a habit you should be cultivating as an attorney-to-be.

And, to answer your question, I guess we can be friends.  It’s not like there’s a whole lot else going on in this town and it’s too much trouble to avoid all the girls who aren’t interested in me.

PS: If your MO is to blow people off with radio silence instead of telling them you’re simply not interested, you may want to check out the amazing  (1, 2) 3-part round table discussion on the wimpy behavior of lawyers.